Miss Snark's First Victim
I like the writing very much but don't have a clear idea of what the story is about. I don't know what Jody is turning a blind eye to. I also don't know what her goal is - to reconcile family members or mete out "justice."
H. G., I thought the same thing at first read, but when I took a closer look, realized grandma burned grandpa. And then I laughed. I think this is an unusual direction on the logline, but the voice really gives it flavor. (pun intended). I'm assuming this is a dark comedy, and if so, this logline might be perfect especially if the story includes cooking in some way (besides grandpa).
Yes! I believe Rachel is right! Maybe if the noun, flambe, was changed to a verb, flambeed, the rich wording could remain intact but the action would be clearer.
So very funny! My only comment would be that legally (okay, semi-legally) log-lines are not supposed to end in a question. What about "Now Jody must decide whether grandpa got his just desserts or if she should help serve a steaming plate of justice." :)
I'm so intrigued! Though admittedly a little perplexed. I think this works as a twitter pitch since those are so ridiculously short. But here, if you have room to expand (and you do) take advantage of 2-4 lines and really sell your story.I'm mixed on the question thing; sometimes they work. This one doesn't bother me because the question offers to choices and doesn't present the reader with a yes/no response. But either way, there is room to expand what this means. Is Jody in a position to inflict justice (her job)? Are these HER grandparents? What happens to Jody if she turns a blind eye, or what does she risk if she turns them in? I think you want to show this. Also, this sounds like a dark, witty read. :)
I find this a very creative approach to a logline. And I don't mind the question at the end. I just feel there needs to be a sentence in-between the two. Maybe what the stakes are for her.
I like the voice, but there's not enough information to make me interested.
So I'm guessing that Judy's grandmother set her grandpa on fire because he's a jerk. If this is so, you need to write this as the incident that incites her goal to help grandma get justice (although I would be more specific about what justice means, why she needs it and who is trying to stop her from getting it).Good luck!Holly
I really like the use of grandpa flambe - but need more. Is the story about the flambe or chasing the grandmother? The past or - or Jody working with the police. SOlid writing - just add some fries!