TITLE: The Fairy Godmother Files
GENRE: YA Fantasy
“Oh. My. God. Maggie. There he is,” Taylor squealed, jerking on my arm.
The prince rode up on his white steed like he'd fallen out of the pages of a fairytale. Golden hair, tanned skin, and a smile that made me want to recite Shakespeare. Sigh.
Okay, so it was Connor Prince, not “real” royalty, and so what if his horse was a white Ford Mustang? I had two words for him. So. Hot.
“I swear, I'm going to talk to him this year,” I said, shielding my eyes from the sun.
Taylor handed me her cappuccino, while she adjusted her out of control curls. “Yeah, right. You say that every year. And every year you walk up to him, open your mouth to say something, blush, and then turn right back the way you came.”
I deflated like a balloon. God, she was right. It was hopeless. I would be the only junior without a prom date come spring, not to mention the only girl in the entire school who hadn't been kissed. I groaned.
No. I'm not going to do this again. Junior year would be my year. I'd be more assertive, aggressive, a go-getter. Connor Prince and I were going to exchange words this year--hell, we'd exchange more than words. He'd be my first kiss.
The sound of splashing water interrupted my Connor-laced fantasies, and I glanced at the nearby fountain.
Enjoy the light feel of this writers voice. And the fluidity of the writing.
ReplyDeleteLove the mixed up imagery of the "horse" and the "mustang" ha! Clever and I want more definitely!
ReplyDeleteCute. This one looks like it will be a lot of fun. One nit-picky thing is to cut down (even remove) the dialogue tags if you can, but it looks great. :)
ReplyDeleteNice. I love the voice. Love the opening and the Shakespeare reference, then the switch to a contemporary scene. Sounds like a fun summer/beach read.
ReplyDeleteGreat opening - love the twist. There was a lot I could relate to here. Good job!
ReplyDeleteLove, love it!!
ReplyDeleteAlthough it was well written... it seemed too similar to many other books I've read recently, with girl-that's-never-been-kissed admiring popular-hot-guy from afar. I would suggest trying to incorporate something unique.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely Hooked! Want to read more already and have so many questions about the story. Really enjoyed how the scene and dialogue flowed.
ReplyDeleteI like the voice, fun and easy to read. Unfortunately the story doesn't grip me, sounds like any other teen story, I'd like something more unusual to happen on the first page than a girl swooning over a hot guy.
ReplyDeleteI like the style of this one, and it did catch me out - I thought we were talking 'swords and scorcery' fantasy from the first paragraph.
ReplyDeleteThe theme is a well used one - dorky girl and popular guy - so I'd hope that there was something more to it than that, but I really like the voice so I'd probably read on even if there wasn't. Just please tell me that her friend isn't the local 'good time girl' and his friend isn't an 'entitled bully'!
I would like to read more of this.
Thanks for the lovely comments everyone! I'm glad you enjoyed the 1st 250 words. And yes, there is an awesome plot twist (LOL).
ReplyDeleteMaggie, my MC, is about to become a Fairy Godmother (and her first assigment is her "arch nemesis" and she has to help her snag Connor).
But yeah, it was loads of fun to write and I'm so happy that you guys enjoyed it!
I'd read more on the basis of the voice alone. I love the plot twist you describe.
ReplyDeleteThis was a fun read, and yeah, the plot's been done before, but . . . well . . . it was a fun read. The writing's smooth, the dialogue sounds real and natural. I'd read more.
ReplyDeleteMaybe this is perfect light and frothy YA ... but not my cup of tea. Maybe more about the MC would pull me in? As is, I would pass, but that's probably more about my tastes than anything.
ReplyDeleteThis is very fun! I usually head toward dark YA, but I'd totally keep reading this. Hooked!
ReplyDeleteThe writing is good, the voice is engaging and sweet. The dialogue is well paced, and by all accounts, this is a fun read.
ReplyDeleteMy concern is that this is formulaic, but from the title, I know it must not be.
If I read this very same passage and the title was something else, I'd say "nope. Too generic." So, I encourage you to explore ways to include something truly unique in the opening, as I'm sure you have the material and skill to do it.