Wednesday, February 24, 2010

14 Talkin' Heads

GENRE: YA Fanstasy
EMOTION: Awkward

Aura was so preoccupied with her crush, Nigel sitting behind her that class ended without her copying the assignment. By the time she realizes it, everyone but Nigel has left, so she's forced to speak with him.

“Did you get the assignment?” I whispered.

“Uh, yes.” Nigel appeared surprised. Then he smirked. “Weren’t you paying attention?”

“I think you both need to move on. You’re making this dallying a habit,” Mr. Worosz admonished from his desk chair.

We hurried out and I began to go towards my next class, when Nigel spoke. “Hey, don’t you want the assignment?”

I blushed and mumbled, “Oh yeah.”

Nigel opened his agenda and I hastily copied the pages to read and what our response was to be, trying not to be unnerved by how close he was to me.

I again went to leave when Nigel asked, “How did you know I was looking at you?”

I smiled evasively. “Why were you looking at me?”

“I think I fancy you.”

My jaw dropped, but I quickly recovered, though not enough to say something intelligible. “Oh.”

Nigel leaned in, like he had the day before. He was just as beautiful, but his eyes seemed troubled. “Do you fancy me” he whispered.

The rest of the students seemed to disappear and it was just the two of us. I was sure he could hear my heart beating. How do you answer a question like that? Americans never use the word fancy that way. And no American response is nearly as appealing. “I do,” was the best I could muster.

“Good,” he replied and headed to his own class, leaving me standing.


  1. LOVE this! I was totally sucked into the story. Well done!

  2. I definitely think the conversation conveys "awkward". You can sense Aura's insecurity in the brief snippets of dialog and in her physical reactions. We've all been there!

  3. Good job. The dialog is realistic, and definitely awkward.

    I couldn't get a real good grasp on the place (or time period) though, but since it's an excerpt, that's understandable--as long as readers are drawn in elsewhere.

    Do you fancy me, should have a ? before the "

    And I thought that her response could be different. "I do" sounds pretty resolute, but it was the best she could muster? It might fit better if she says, "Um...yeah." or "Maybe...a little."

    Nice job

  4. I liked this! Good job. Definitely awkward and yes, we have all certainly been there!

  5. Well done. I'm tempted to say that Aura should have something snappier to say at the end, but 'I do' works really well for that awkward feeling. Perhaps you could delete 'was the best I could muster' and have Aura berate herself for not coming up with something better?

  6. Awwww!

    I love it!! I could sense that wonderful teenage awkwardness especially on Aura's part (lovely name, Aura) because I think more of the action was in what was NOT said - an incredibly subtle and extremely writer-ly thing to do.

    Well done!!!

  7. I'm OK with 'I do'. Actually, much more than OK... it's got those wedding-ceremony overtones. I can picture myself at that age saying it automatically and getting even more insecure for the rest of the day in case he'd read that level of over-commitment into it!

    Also intrigued by where Aura's meant to be from and what sort of culture clash / unfamiliarity could be coming from that... since it's fantasy, are we talking somewhere a bit further-flung than e.g. 'the UK' or 'Canada'?

  8. I came over from Old Kitty's. I enjoyed reading this snippit. I could remember being as awkward as Aura. As an American I am curious as to where ther story takes place as you mention Americans don't use the word "fancy" very often.

    Good luck with your novel!

  9. You captured the teenage angst. The shy awkwardness, when you fancied someone. Very enjoyable. Well done.

  10. I second everybody's emotion! You took me back to some high school crush I had--however he never said "fancy" to me. I like how the girl said nobody in America says it like that. I wish we did. I like it, plus it makes me smile. I look forward to reading more!