Wednesday, February 24, 2010

31 Talkin' Heads

GENRE: Science Fiction/Fantasy
EMOTION: Hiding something

Both characters have something to hide. The reader finds out about Annie's secret in this scene.

“I’m starving,” Annie said. “I’ve been craving a bagel with cream cheese and tomato all day. And dill pickles.”

Laughing at her, Monroe put his arm around her shoulders. “The deli’s closed. Maybe the pub has bagels.”

They went into Sullivan’s, an Irish watering hole with a floor full of half-empty tables and two couches beside a fireplace. When they sat down near the bar, a gaunt, fortyish waiter took their order. Sully’s didn’t have bagels. They didn’t have cream cheese, either, but the waiter said the kitchen would come up with something just as good. Monroe ordered coffee.

“I still want a bagel with cream cheese,” Annie said.

“Let’s get married,” Monroe said.

She smiled and looked down. “I’ve heard that before.”

“We’ll have a bagel and cream cheese wedding cake.”

“I want sixteen children. You should know that.”

“Fine with me,” he said. “Let’s have twenty-five.”

She toyed with her silverware. “How many children do you really want?”

“I want to get through law school before I even think about that.”

“I still want sixteen.” Or just one. Annie looked down again, wondering what he would say if she told him she was pregnant. Probably pregnant. She placed her hand on her belly under the table. Something was different. She was late, too, but there was no reason to mention it until she was sure. Her eyes strayed to the drugstore across the street. If she tried to pick up a pregnancy test, Monroe would stick with her through the aisles.


  1. Very nice! The dialogue neatly lays out their future plans and personalities. Love the tension at the end. :)

  2. Nice. I like the randomness of the dialogue. "I still want a bagel with cream cheese." "Let's get married." It gives me the feel of two people who know each other well and are comfortable together.

  3. Very interesting. I enjoyed the dialogue and storyline. This was professional, concise, and understandable with excellent word-play throughout. I would love to read more. I could not find anything to criticize.

    Good job.

  4. I love this! Out of context, I wouldn't know this is from a sci-fi/fantasy. Interesting. The conversation is very quirky and realistic. It reads really smooth, natural, and I'd definitely keep reading.

  5. No quibbles, here. Love the banter.

  6. I'm with all the rest. Great job!