TITLE: Enthrall
GENRE: MG Horror
After Zac is kicked out of school for defending his moms, a renovation job leads their family to an old hospital. Zac encounters a ghost in the building who warns him of trapped spirits. When one of his moms grows extremely ill and his sister begins acting strangely, Zac realizes he’ll have to free the ghosts to keep his family safe.
This is pretty good, although I do think you need to tell us why they can't just leave the hospital. Are they trapped?
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Holly
Sounds good to me. I'd read this. I love a good ghost story.
ReplyDeleteSounds good to me. I'd read this. I love a good ghost story.
ReplyDeleteThe first part about being kicked out of school seems like unnecessary information. Oh wait, MG. So give us the age. He did more than defend too. Fight? Was he expelled or just suspended? What is the goal and what's keeping him from achieving it? For example…
ReplyDelete12-year-old Zac and his family take on renovating an old hospital, but when evil ghosts trap them inside and start sucking out their life energy, he must find a way out before they are all dead.
I agree with the above comment about the first part of the first sentence being redundant. I love the logline otherwise, would love to read the story.
ReplyDeleteI think the part of him being kicked out of school is unnecessary. I was confused about "renovation job" -- do you mean the moms or one of the moms was hired to work on the old hospital? Are they living there while they renovate it? I would just set that up a bit more clearly so we understand why they can't get out and Zac needs to free them. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteLike it, but I don't think telling us that Zac has been kicked out of school adds anything to the premise. Give us a hint of what will happen if he doesn't 'free the ghosts.'
ReplyDelete