TITLE: LIFELINE
GENRE: YA Contemporary
All she ever wanted was to make up for her alcoholic mother and wild-child older sister. The valedictorian of her senior class, she’s failing at life. But not for long. When her bad-boy crush starts calling the teen hotline where she volunteers, he tempts her to cross a line—one that sets her pulse racing but may derail her dreams.
I'm a little confused by this. I like how you start off with her need, but then you say she's failing when she's valedictorian (and that sounds like succeeding to me!) Do you mean at her personal life? If so, how does having a personal life meet her need of making up for her mother and sister? Her goal here has to fulfill her need. The bad-boy is an obstacle, but not one we understand at this point. How would being with him fulfill her need? We need to see why she doesn't just avoid him.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Holly
I'm hooked. I want to read your book!
ReplyDeleteHolly--thank you so much for your comments. As you can see, I struggle with the longline, so I will use your tips and go back to it!
ReplyDeleteOkay, I rewrote the logline using your suggestions:
ReplyDeleteHigh school senior Carolena is busy solving everyone’ s problems but her own: a wild-child older sister who runs away from rehab, distracting her from applying to her dream psychology program. Then her bad-boy crush calls for help at the teen hotline where she volunteers, reminding her of all the fun she’s missed, tempting her to cross a line—one that derails her friendships and her future.
I think the re-write is totally going in the right direction. Cool beans.
ReplyDeleteThe rewrite is better but if the goal is applying to college, then these distractions don't seem like very big obstacles (plus this isn't a new goal because she has had it since before the story started). Focus on what she wants for THIS story...you know, the thing she has to get in order for you to write THE END.
ReplyDelete