Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Logline Critique Round #22

TITLE: The Exquisiteness of Seeing
GENRE: Adult women's fiction-Magical realism

Willa Waters died aged 34 unless, through a link in time, Willa at age 33 together with herself at ages 8, and 103 can confront her father's lies about her abusive childhood and create a new future.


  1. I find it confusing to have this start in past tense. I think you need to say, "Willa Waters will die at age 34 unless..." Also, you need to tell us how she can exist at 103 if her current future has her dying at 34. Finally, we need something more tangible than confronting lies. What does she actually have to do to change her future?

    Good luck!

  2. This is really confusing. That first part "Willa Waters died aged 34 unless" -- is that missing a word? If the goal is to create a new future and all she has to do is confront her pops, that's no biggie. What is really standing in her way?

  3. Time travel is not my strong suit--I always get confused--but I had the same question as Holly: how can she exist at 103 if she dies at 34 in her current life? Good luck!

  4. It sounds interesting but too confusing. Is the "new future" her not dying aged 34? Perhaps an adjective describing what she is like at those different ages as well might make the character more intriguing and not just the time travel premise.

  5. Too many ages to be able to follow what is happening. Can you use just one age? Something like Willa will die at 33, unless ....

  6. Thanks everyone for your comments. :)