TITLE: TO SEE THE ELEPHANT
GENRE: Adult HISTORICAL FICTION
John Delany, an Irish emigrant father, impoverished but devoted to his family, leaves them behind to search for gold in California. He fails, but returns home to learn his family's love is more important than adventure and golden riches.
This is basically a summary of your character arc. You need to re-word so we see his goal (I'm guessing this is finding gold so he can be rich for some reason we need to know). After that, tell us what happens that forces him to abandon this goal.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Holly
This is more like a mini-summary than a logline. Historical? What's the era or year? What is the MCs goal and what is standing in his way?
ReplyDeleteWhat is the conflict here? Why does the MC need to get rich and what is at stake?
ReplyDeleteCan you be more specific about how he fails? The stakes/story there sounds like it would be intriguing. And is there any family conflict here you could mention that would up the ante more?
ReplyDeleteI agree with all of the above -- felt like you wrapped up the whole book for me but missed giving me the conflict, what is really at stake, his goal. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThe only reason I might read your story would be to find out what in the world an elephant has to do with it. The comments already made should be helpful.
ReplyDeleteMany, many people followed this man's dream and failed. I want to know why John's version of this dream is different--that's why I would be drawn to read his story.
ReplyDelete