TITLE: Trapped In Lunch Lady Land
GENRE: MG fantasy
A creamed corn emergency sends Josh Brannon and his nemesis, Patty Anne, to a strange, exceedingly messy world. They soon realize that survival in a land made completely from cafeteria food is not a piece of cake. These former adversaries form a grudging team as they battle the whirling blades of the skybeater, brave the molten cheese geysers of Nacho Valley and scale the frigid heights of Neopolitan Mountain on their quest to learn the secrets of Lunch Lady Land.
Who couldn't love this! I have to read the MS, but only if there's a giant bowl of chocolate ice cream at hand. Creamed corn emergency -- hahaha!
ReplyDeleteWOW! This ROCKS! I can't for the life of me think of anything that would improve this logline! It's super-imaginative, ultra-high-concept, n' cinematic as heck! I can't wait to read this book!!
ReplyDeleteBEST WISHES TO YOU N' THANKS FOR POSTING THIS!
Laugh out loud fun! I would like to know more about their goal, though. Are they trying to save creamed corn, find more of it, eliminate it?
ReplyDeleteIs the ultimate goal only survival? I really like this (the whole concept is awesome, and brought a smile to my face) but I'd like to have a better clue of why they're in "Lunch Lady Land" and what they hope to accomplish (aside from escaping intact, of course).
ReplyDeleteGreat job!
I love the 'piece of cake' analogy! I'm thinking it is an accident that Josh and Patty Anne are in this land? Is it a quest? Do they need answers before they can go? Do they need to find their way back home? This needs to be spelled out a bit more clearly in the final sentance - just finding out secrets doesn't feel like enough.
ReplyDeleteMy only other suggestino would be to change the description of their teamwork from gruding to unlikely, uneasy, or something along those lines.
Oh, my. This isn't at all my area of expertise, so I wasn't going to weigh in on this one, but the language caught me and I ended up reading the whole thing. I have a feeling you've got this one nailed. :)
ReplyDeleteBrilliant!
ReplyDeleteI can't help but also feel the relevance in the real-world appalling state of cafeteria food in this country. Though, I do think the lunch ladies are an unappreciated bunch. I can't think of a middle grader who wouldn't be interested. I'd ditto the comment about grudging...or add a word in that suggests this might change between the two of them.
This is pretty good but learning the secrets of Lunch Lady Land is not a tangible goal. What do they actually need to do in order for the story to end? Get out of Lunch Lady Land?
ReplyDeleteAlso, be careful not to use precious words to repeat yourself. If you tell us that Patty is his nemesis, you don't need to say they are former adversaries.
Good luck!
Holly
Funny! I am definitely drawn to this, and the language.
ReplyDeleteIn the log-line, though, I'd like to know a little more about what's at stake here and what they are actually trying to do.
I like this a lot. Seems like you nailed it. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't change a word. Very creative and I'm sure you'll see this book on the store shelves soon. Starting off with "creamed corn emergency" instantly grabs the reader!
ReplyDeleteHilarious! Maybe just add a bit to the end. Say why they need to learn the secrets. To get home? To improve cafeteria food for middle grders the world over? To defeat the evil, hair-netted, queen of the lunch ladies?
ReplyDelete