Miss Snark's First Victim
I'll admit I'm a little lost here. I liked your first sentence and was curious as to where it was going. But the second sentence threw me. I'm assuming "she" is his ex-wife but I'm struggling to see the relationship you're setting up. Is it that he's stuck dreaming while she's (quickly) getting on with her life?
These are the things he's dreaming about her, but it's difficult to convey that in 25 words. The story is about how his ex-wife becomes, literally, the woman of his dreams. Gradually, he starts seeing her achieve these goals he imagines for her, but it's an illusion. His mind becomes so warped he's convinced the President is really his ex-wife, etc. Meanwhile, Audrey is living her own dreams that are much different. At the end, she becomes the person she always wanted to be, and Teddy finally shakes off his fantasy and sees her as she truly is.
I am right where you want me to be as a reader. I get that he's worried, maybe just subconsciously since his dreams come into play, that his ex is moving on and succeeding way too quickly for his taste. I had to laugh at how quickly she progressed. Sworn in as president 'within days,' wow!
Intriguing start. I think you manage to say a lot about their relationship in those two sentences.
I really liked this. I knew exactly what you were trying to set up with this opening. I knew exactly how he felt about his ex-wife and how the divorce was affecting him. Well done.
Interesting beginning. It was hard to get that these were aspects of his dream, though for some reason. I'm not sure why but the two sentences didn't really hang together for me. Maybe it's the "Within days" - can't tell if these are ongoing dreams or if they are actually happening.
Sorry, I was confused...Until reading the above comments, I thought that his ex-wife HAD accomplished all these things.Good luck!
I was confused, too. I didn't know if his ex had accomplished those things, or if he dreamed she accomplished those things.An easy fix would be to show him dreaming, rather than telling us, which isn't very clear (although starting with a dream is frowned upon) Perhaps play with it a bit more to see what else you can come up with?
I got it, and I loved it. lol amusing and very easy to relate to! I would definitely read on.
I didn't get it until I read the comments. I thought the two sentences were from different points of view. Dreaming implies that it happens over a number of days, so you could cut 'Within days' which is what made me think this was in two povs. I feel like this might work better if you started the moment the divorce was final and then went to the first dream, but it's hard to tell in 25 words. Interesting idea.
I'm a bit confused by the second sentence. Is he dreaming his ex did this or is she doing that stuff? I like the first sentence a lot. :)
I've read about half of the entries so far, and this is my favorite. Love the second sentence.
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