Tuesday, June 22, 2010

25 Words #3

TITLE: Untitled
GENRE: Women's Fiction

Charlotte Parker Johnston slid into her pink slip dress and matching pumps. She tugged the edges of her new hat, trying to hide the bad dye job.


  1. I like the image you set up here. It starts off coordinated and fashionable, then you throw a twist in with the 'bad dye job.'

    Not my favorite genre but I'd read on a bit more.

  2. The first sentence is pretty average, but you followed it up with the bad dye job which changed my idea of what I'd be getting. I'd read more.

  3. Just read an article about drawing in the reader. According to it, the first sentence should show the MC in trouble, pulling the reader in.

    I don't see any trouble here...

    maybe she catches her heel on the edge of her dress and...

  4. I like this. I think the first sentence has a nice sound to it when read aloud. It sets up a tone and voice that works for the genre and is followed by a dash of humor.

  5. I like this. I know straight away I'm going to like and relate to Charlotte, the not so perfect woman she's obviously trying to be!

  6. I disagree with fiction writer that there has to immediately be trouble. I enjoy reading a bit of scene-setting, as long as it's not boring. This doesn't bore me. I would keep reading, if only to find out where she's going that she had her hair dyed and bought a new hat.

  7. I don't think you need trouble in the very first sentence. I would want something on the first page though.

    The bad dye job piqued my curiosity, so I would read on. I think you've done a good job of showing us character in the first sentence.

    Oh, and I've just noticed the other Bron posting. This is a different Bron :-)

  8. Intriguing!

    I love the hook.
    A fabulous dresser with a bad dye job?

    And I too disagree with Fiction writer...and her styalized comments.
    One thing I've found with writing is that one size does not fit all.