Tuesday, June 22, 2010

25 Words #27

TITLE: The Lion Awakens

Annie opened the luscious lavender polish and propped her foot on Mary Beth. She hated painting her toes about as much as she hated shaving.


  1. Is Mary Beth her servant or is this a normal thing that girls do whilst painting toes?

    I'd like the "luscious lavender" better if it were capitalized like a branded color of polish. Otherwise it's a bit purple for my tastes (the writing, not the nail polish; no pun intended!)

  2. 'luscious lavender' threw me off until I realized it was the name of the color. I think it should be capitalized (not sure about that, though).

    You do a good job of introducing the character and tone: Annie seems to have a bit of a superiority complex, if she's using another girl as a foot stool.

  3. I like it! I agree that the polish should be capitalized, other than that, I'd keep reading!

    And yes, it is common for young girls to prop their feet against a friend, sister, or mother while painting her toenails. :)

  4. I'm going to disagree with the others as far as the servant thing - I could see her propping her foot on a good friend.

    Nail polish has always struck me scent-wise. Maybe add in some details about the smell.

  5. I thought they were two strong sentences. They place us in a scene and show characterization. And I want to know why she's doing something she hates.

  6. This works well and I'd read on. Perfect for YA.

    I'm going to agree about capitalizing Luscious Lavender. Since she doesn't like polish I'd doubt she'd call it luscious unless it was the name of a color.

  7. I'm not keen on luscious lavendar, but agree with everyone if you make it into the labeled color it would be better. For me it's the l-l sound that I don't care for.


  8. For some reason I assumed Mary Beth was a dog. It's an interesting opening and I like the MC already. :)