Miss Snark's First Victim
I'd definitely read more.S
This is a good beginning.
A good beginning. I'm not seriously hooked, but then I never am by just 25 words.This one is good because it's a character snapshot, and it very clear, and even sets up tone and information - like the fact that the narrator is probably a woman. (This is important with first person narration.)
I'd continue reading.
Love it. I want more! :)
I like John Rouge (is it Rogue or Rouge? The first one makes him seem like a badass, the second sounds like makeup). Either way, I like his style. Very clearly defined character but I'm wondering if he'll stick around throughout the story if your MC only knows him a short time. I'd read more!
Great character snapshot in just 25 words. I'm impressed.
Just read an article about drawing in the reader. According to it, the first sentence should show the MC in trouble, pulling the reader in.I don't see any trouble here...may make Rouge a threat in some way?
Nice start. A lot of characterization in minimal space.
....and fiction writer strikes again...Ahem...moving on. I like this, I'm intrigued by the characters already, and I'm curious to know more about the narrator. Good work!
I'm surprised to see how many people like this since I had to read it a couple times to get the point.Perhaps where I'm from people just speak differently but I've always heard "call anyone by THEIR name."aside from that I think its ok but I'm not really drawn in.Not bad but not as good as everybody seems to think IMO.
Absolutely I'd read on. Love the personality we already get from JR.
Love it! Great job!
I like the name John Rouge and think it sooo fits the person you described. On the other hand, there's not much to pull me in. A guy who doesn't call anyone by name?Perhaps if you showed us that scene, we'd not only see John, we'd get a glimpse of her as well, because she'd obviously react in some way to his calling her Honey. And then I'd have the tension/attraction/conflict between them to lure me into reading more.
Great beginning. I like the subtle hint that the narrator is female. This tells me that John Rouge is trouble, I'm guessing that Rouge has a bunch of "honeys" somewhere and that he's trying to be cool, which usually backfires for someone. I'd like to know though Vicky's relation to Rouge and the narrator.
It piqued my interest. I liked the flow of words and the subtle overtone of what sort of character John might be. Well done.
Great beginning, particularly perfect for a mystery.
Great start...I'm curious about it being a mystery. It feels ya to me...
Loved it. I'd read more!
Great description of Rouge.
I liked it too - great detail about the character. And I love being called, honey, so I'd read on. ;)
Nice voice. I'd keep reading.
Good opening -- really creates a sense of character.
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