I'm not a big fan of starting out with clothing descriptions, but the part that won me over was "the one with the big buckle." It's like the narrator is talking to a friend, someone who's familiar with Jill's wardrobe. It's a nice, chatty tone, and I'd be happy to read more of it.
Great setup and imagery. I like your word choice here.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a big fan of starting out with clothing descriptions, but the part that won me over was "the one with the big buckle." It's like the narrator is talking to a friend, someone who's familiar with Jill's wardrobe. It's a nice, chatty tone, and I'd be happy to read more of it.
ReplyDeleteNice tone to start, and I can picture the clothing quite well.
ReplyDeleteWhat does the opening tell me about your story and what's to come?
ReplyDeletePerhaps rather than describing clothes, tell us why they were decked out and where they were going.
Hmm. I'm a bit up in the air about this one, but then again, I don't read memoir. It has voice and gets me right into the story.
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping that if you're starting with a clothing discription that clothes will continue to be an important part/detail in the rest of the memoir.
ReplyDeletenice!
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