Miss Snark's First Victim
I like this because I wonder what the narrator's done to get locked out. :) The only thing that tripped me up was "my roommate Na Wei." Maybe you could just say "Na Wei" and then I wouldn't feel like the info was being inserted just for the reader. Intrigued, though!
I like your MC's voice but I could use just a touch more info here. Is it late? Is Na Wei sleeping at a normal time and the MC is returning late? Were either of them up to shenanigans?A change in word choice here might get me more interested.
Nice action to start, but I'd suggest using "roommate" or "Na Wei," not both. It feels a bit too forceful for the reader.
It didn't do much for me. She's locked out of her apartment.Doesn't she have a key? Why not? Where is she coming from?A hint at one of those things could draw me in.
Agree that you could cut "roommate" - we can figure out over the next few pages who NW is. I am intrigued, because I'm wondering why NW locking it from the inside is a problem. Is she locking the narrator out? Why couldn't the narrator just knock?
I'd read on to see what's happening. You could make the setting clearer by give a discriptive noun instead of using 'it'. I noticed Barbara thought it was an apartment. I thought it was a dorm room. Perhaps say 'lock the apartment door' or whatever it is.
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