Miss Snark's First Victim
Loved the first line. The second kind of threw me. We was thinking she'd died or snuk off, in private. But on second reading, I think I like it. Would definitly read on.
Not really sure what's happening here and maybe that's intentional. The second part made me have to go back and re-read to make sure I got it right the first time. I like the sense of community but what's happening would need to be clarified within the next couple of sentences to keep my attention.
The two sentences are disjointed. I had to go back and re-read which pulled me out of the story. Which is not the intent I'm sure.
Fantastic first sentence. The second paragraph is powerful, but perhaps a little rewording would help it transition better.
I agree with the above posts. I like the first sentence...but the others were confusing. I had to re-read, thought that I was missing something. Not sure I would read on. Good luck!
Agree with the others as far as the disjointedness. Though I'm definitely curious enough to read on!
I agree, it's a bit confusing. But the thing that confused me was that I got the impression these people would feel grief rather than sympathy for the person whio died?
I also had to re-read. I think the disconnect happens because of the paragraph break. Reading it as one paragraph makes a big difference, I think.
Not sure what's happening here, but would read more to find out.
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