Miss Snark's First Victim
I think you either want to go with"golden bull's eye"or"gold bullseye"because the way it's written, it sounds like there's literally a cow's eye made of gold in the center of the target. If that's what you mean,you probably want "golden". Otherwise if it's just a bullseye go with the second.I like the title though.
I'm also struggling here - I thought at first she was shooting at a golden bull - and was a little disappointed to find out it was only a target.
Echoing the above comments. Other than that slight confusion, I like this opening.
Good beginning. I'd keep reading. Great title.
One nit pick: unless the character is fairly young, she would probably be standing farther then 30 feet as this is actually quite close.Otherwise, nice start, I'd continue.
I'm going to go against the grain here. I think you've tried to tell us too much in one sentence and would be inclined to split it in two. eg after "arrow". Then rearrange/tighten the second sentence: "Thirty feet away she could see the gold bullseye of the target."
I had the same thought as Maggie. Make it two sentences. It works, I think. It's just a heck of a mouthful to read and two sentences will make it easier.Samantha Liffey peered down the shaft of her arrow. Thirty feet away, the target's gold bullseye stared back.
The title would hook me. I love it!I like the way you get right into the story, but agree about the two sentences. A young girl with a bow and arrow would be a great read for boys as well as girls. I would definitely read on.
The sentence need a bit of tinkering as others have pointed out, but I think this is a great beginning. I'd read on.
Great title and character name... the target thing didn't grab me, but there's certainly a tension there. I'd read on.
I think you need a little rewording. I thought your mc was shooting a bull with a golden eye in the eye.
Agree about bullseye - it took me a minute to realize she wasn't shooting a bull. That said, love opening with a girl archer, and my daughter would love that, too. :)
Many dittos. Love the title!
I agree about the bullseye. I'm another one who thought it was literally a bull's eye she was shooting, at first. I was picturing a golden bull statue until I figured it out. If that was fixed I'd read on.
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