Tuesday, June 22, 2010

25 Words #13

TITLE: Hunting Cat
GENRE: paranormal/sci fi romance

"Give me back my bra, you little tube rat, or I will rip out your spine and steal your soul."

10 comments:

  1. Ouch! Sounds to me like a sister yelling at her little brother. Did I guess right?

    Some people may have issues with a line of dialogue as their introduction to a story. I think, if done right, it gives you good insight into the speaker's personality. That's definitely coming through here!

    One suggestion: maybe just one threat would tighten it up a little bit. I'd end at 'rip out your spine.'

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  2. I'm hooked by this. It made me laugh out loud. The only thing I would consider changing is 'I will' to 'I'll' just because I think the contraction, rather than proper english, sounds more realistic in this context.

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  3. Hooked! I hope the MC is the one talking, because she sounds like a fun character to read about! :)

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  4. Great start! Your character is in a situation, I'm getting a feel for the type of person she is, and the ripping out of the soul gets the paranormal aspect in right away.

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  5. Great opening dialogue. I agree with the other suggestion above to use the contraction of "I'll" to make the dialogue more natural. However, the character comes across well, and I hope this is the protagonist speaking.

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  6. I definately would read on. I like the voice and it works with the genre. I'd have to read more to know if starting this story with dialogue is really the best choice. But I'm hooked.

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  7. Great voice! I would also change "I will" to "I'll". I like it.

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  8. Nice voice! I agree with the I'll change. Is this YA? It has that feel. I would definitely read on :)

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  9. Hooked! I actually laughed out loud. I agree with the I'll change as well.
    Good luck!

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  10. holy crap I want to read this.

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