Tuesday, June 22, 2010

25 Words #3

TITLE: Untitled
GENRE: Women's Fiction

Charlotte Parker Johnston slid into her pink slip dress and matching pumps. She tugged the edges of her new hat, trying to hide the bad dye job.

9 comments:

  1. I like the image you set up here. It starts off coordinated and fashionable, then you throw a twist in with the 'bad dye job.'

    Not my favorite genre but I'd read on a bit more.

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  2. The first sentence is pretty average, but you followed it up with the bad dye job which changed my idea of what I'd be getting. I'd read more.

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  3. Just read an article about drawing in the reader. According to it, the first sentence should show the MC in trouble, pulling the reader in.

    I don't see any trouble here...

    maybe she catches her heel on the edge of her dress and...

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  4. I like this. I think the first sentence has a nice sound to it when read aloud. It sets up a tone and voice that works for the genre and is followed by a dash of humor.

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  5. I like this. I know straight away I'm going to like and relate to Charlotte, the not so perfect woman she's obviously trying to be!

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  6. I disagree with fiction writer that there has to immediately be trouble. I enjoy reading a bit of scene-setting, as long as it's not boring. This doesn't bore me. I would keep reading, if only to find out where she's going that she had her hair dyed and bought a new hat.

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  7. I don't think you need trouble in the very first sentence. I would want something on the first page though.

    The bad dye job piqued my curiosity, so I would read on. I think you've done a good job of showing us character in the first sentence.

    Oh, and I've just noticed the other Bron posting. This is a different Bron :-)

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  8. Intriguing!

    I love the hook.
    A fabulous dresser with a bad dye job?

    And I too disagree with Fiction writer...and her styalized comments.
    One thing I've found with writing is that one size does not fit all.

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