Tuesday, June 22, 2010

25 Words #39

TITLE: Mallet
GENRE: Mystery

In the short time I knew John Rouge, I never heard him call anyone by name. Sweetheart, Dude, Buddy. When Vicky introduced us, he called me Honey.

24 comments:

  1. A good beginning. I'm not seriously hooked, but then I never am by just 25 words.

    This one is good because it's a character snapshot, and it very clear, and even sets up tone and information - like the fact that the narrator is probably a woman. (This is important with first person narration.)

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  2. I like John Rouge (is it Rogue or Rouge? The first one makes him seem like a badass, the second sounds like makeup).

    Either way, I like his style. Very clearly defined character but I'm wondering if he'll stick around throughout the story if your MC only knows him a short time.

    I'd read more!

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  3. Great character snapshot in just 25 words. I'm impressed.

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  4. Just read an article about drawing in the reader. According to it, the first sentence should show the MC in trouble, pulling the reader in.

    I don't see any trouble here...

    may make Rouge a threat in some way?

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  5. Nice start. A lot of characterization in minimal space.

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  6. ....and fiction writer strikes again...
    Ahem...moving on. I like this, I'm intrigued by the characters already, and I'm curious to know more about the narrator. Good work!

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  7. I'm surprised to see how many people like this since I had to read it a couple times to get the point.

    Perhaps where I'm from people just speak differently but I've always heard "call anyone by THEIR name."

    aside from that I think its ok but I'm not really drawn in.

    Not bad but not as good as everybody seems to think IMO.

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  8. Absolutely I'd read on. Love the personality we already get from JR.

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  9. Love it! Great job!

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  10. I like the name John Rouge and think it sooo fits the person you described.

    On the other hand, there's not much to pull me in. A guy who doesn't call anyone by name?

    Perhaps if you showed us that scene, we'd not only see John, we'd get a glimpse of her as well, because she'd obviously react in some way to his calling her Honey. And then I'd have the tension/attraction/conflict between them to lure me into reading more.

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  11. Great beginning. I like the subtle hint that the narrator is female. This tells me that John Rouge is trouble, I'm guessing that Rouge has a bunch of "honeys" somewhere and that he's trying to be cool, which usually backfires for someone. I'd like to know though Vicky's relation to Rouge and the narrator.

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  12. It piqued my interest. I liked the flow of words and the subtle overtone of what sort of character John might be. Well done.

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  13. Great beginning, particularly perfect for a mystery.

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  14. Great start...I'm curious about it being a mystery. It feels ya to me...

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  15. Loved it. I'd read more!

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  16. Great description of Rouge.

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  17. I liked it too - great detail about the character. And I love being called, honey, so I'd read on. ;)

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  18. Nice voice. I'd keep reading.

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  19. Good opening -- really creates a sense of character.

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