TITLE: Cassie Thompson & The Golden Djinn
GENRE: YA Urban Fantasy
"Close your eyes."
"Why?"
"Because I think it will be easier."
"What will?"
"Just close your eyes."
"You're not going to put peanut butter on my lids are you?" I asked, turning my head so I could look at him through my left eye.
Sam laughed. "Peanut butter?" He shut his eyes like he was trying to get the full mental image. His eyelashes fluttered against his rough skin. "No, I swear to you that I am not going to put peanut butter on your eyelids."
I closed my eyes.
I felt him shift his weight, then softly, "Keep them shut."
"No peanut butter," I said, squeezing my lids tighter to make sure I couldn't see anything. His breath warm tickled against my ear, making me jump. "Don't peek." He whispered so quietly it was almost as if he didn't say anything at all.
I could feel his lips trace my cheekbone down to my mouth. I stopped breathing, when his lips hovered over mine.
"I believe you, Cassie."
His lips spoke the words right on top of mine, forming the words around my mouth, like the most intimate form of Braille imaginable.
We stood there with our lips touching flowing into a kiss naturally. I felt his hands loosen around my arms and slide lightly around my waist,
We continued to kiss as natural as breathing until finally I broke away. I opened one eye, which made him laugh softly through his nose.
"You had your eyes open!"
This was cute. Very cuddly! I liked it.
ReplyDeleteOh, I liked this. Very much. It gives an excellent mental picture and humorous to boot! The peanut butter was jarring, BUT if there is a reference before this scene something that ties it to her comment, then it certainly works.
ReplyDeleteColor me happy with this and wanting to read more.
Good Job!
A very cute scene indeed! I actually didn't mind the peanut butter reference. My only confusion is, who said the last line?
ReplyDeleteI, too, liked the scene. The couple seems to know and like each other well. I didn't really feel any heat -- the kiss seemed more of an exercise -- but it was cute and well written.
ReplyDeleteI liked this (and loved the peanut butter). But a few points:
ReplyDelete-natural(ly) twice
-breathing twice
-opened one eye twice
Too much repetition in such a short scene. But otherwise, I really liked it - and felt some heat.
I was a bit thrown by the peanut butter but I drew the conclusion (maybe wrongly) that they were childhood friends and that he did that to her in childhood. Or maybe that happened at another point in the story. I liked the kiss and the intimacy - they feel like good friends who are taking their relationship to the next level - soulmates.
ReplyDeleteI wish I knew more about the scene and their story...in a good way! I liked it, and I want the setting for it...the story...everything.
ReplyDeleteThese characters are so cute! I love the peanut butter..that was so random, but I'll definitely remember it and it got me hooked.
ReplyDeleteSearch and destroy some of those adverbs, I think ("slide lightly around my waist"--the lightly really doesn't do anything here).
I think "we continued to kiss as natural as breathing," should be "as naturally as breathing" or put it between commas ("...to kiss, as natural as breathing, until...").
Nice voice, though! I liked this entry.
I loved the scene! It was so cute and well written. The only thing that threw me out of the scene was the peanut butter. I'd rather see the scene without it. I thought it was gross. But other than that. I loved it!
ReplyDeleteCute. I'm not sure what the pb is about. Is it something he already did to her? That may have helped to know that.
ReplyDeleteI would have liked a short introduction to the scene. I liked the kiss and the tuned down sensations fitted the humorous tone of this scene snippet.
ReplyDeleteI loved this and thought it was cute. The kiss was fun. I didn't quite get the fluttering eyelashes on his rough skin, unless he's not human. I'd definitely read on, I liked it.
ReplyDelete