Wednesday, May 19, 2010

May Secret Agent #53

TITLE: Pretty Girls Make Graves
GENRE: YA Paranormal

Strange things go through your head when you're having an MRI. And I'm not just talking about the electromagnetic currents, although that certainly does cause a flicker of scientific curiosity. I mean things like if my hair will grow out right, or if my mother would let me get my favorite band's new CD, or who it might be that cleans the insides of these machines, or if Adam and Eve had belly buttons.

That I'm thinking so clearly at all is a miracle, they tell me. The number of patients who can function as well as I can after the type of brain surgery I underwent is not an impressive figure. According to them anyway. Maybe it's just my amateur opinion, but when someone goes poking metal objects into an organ as complicated as a brain, prodding around in there as if dipping pieces of fruit into a chocolate fondue pot, I'd be impressed if the person who'd been operated on didn't come out of surgery having attained the glorious functioning level of drooling all over their fecal-stained hospital gown.

Of course, it's not as if I came out of the operation scot-free. My recovery has been only partially successful so far. Sometimes I forget what I'm doing in the middle of doing it. Sometimes I forget names. But worst of all, I can't remember ever coming to the hospital to have brain surgery.

"Try to keep still, Faith," says the doctor hidden behind the protective glass.

34 comments:

  1. This sounds like a great book. I love the paranormal and this title is very interesting. I want to read more!

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  2. I really like the voice here. Just a few things: "I mean things like if my hair will grow out right..." - This thought doesn't really "match" with the other thoughts going through the MC's head. It kind of threw me off.
    "Maybe it's just my amateur opinion..." I thought that this sentence was way too long. It doesn't flow quite right so it interupted the story for me.
    That being said, I would continue reading.
    Good luck!

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  3. That sounds like a very intriguing storyline! I sure would like to read more about Faith and what led to her being in that situation!

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  4. I'd totally keep reading. You had me at "drooling all over their fecal-stained hospital gown." That's awesome.

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  5. Oh, I'd love to read on and know if Faith's brain can be fixed at all and she regains her full memories

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  6. Interesting, complex character. I like Faith, and I'd certainly keep reading. Great way of pulling the reader in.

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  7. Hooked! I'd totally keep reading this one. Great, solid voice and a truly intriguing setup!

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  8. Just a little FYI: Pretty Girls Make Graves is a band.Also a very cool book title, but I thought you might want to know, just in case.

    I think the writing here is great. Feels a bit slow for a beginning. Maybe throw some action in between. Move the dialog up a bit. Something to that effect. I'm very interested to find out the paranormal element!

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  9. I thought the voice was very strong here. and amusing. But i had trouble getting through the last sentence of the 2nd paragraph. Kept tripping over all the words there.

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  10. Oh I love the style of the writing and how the character is not disturbed by the MRI or the brain surgery. Very gripping from the start, so I'd love to read on!

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  11. I love the voice - great work. And the brain surgery coupled with paranormal genre sounds very intriguing.

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  12. Love the title! The first sentence is great, too. But the "strange things" aren't really strange at all. I like the story and would keep reading.

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  13. I'm really hoping you get published because your manuscripts are amazing!!!!!!!!!

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  14. I can't wait for you to get published! I love your work, and think your manuscripts are awesome!

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  15. I am intrigued and I want to read more! The title and first sentence drew me in. Definately would buy this book!

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  16. I like the voice and the set up is intriguing, though I thought there was a bit too much info and backstory in the middle paragraphs--if you could spread it out just a tiny bit more, I think it will be an excellent opening page. I'd keep reading!

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  17. I think it is a really exciting story and I truly want to read more about Faith.

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  18. Sounds interesting...would love to read and review!

    Thanks,
    Courtney

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  19. OOOhh...well, my interest is piqued. I like the voice of the character...straight forward, no nonsense. She's a girl that knows what she wants and tells it like it is...when she remembers what that is (LOL). It sounds to me that this story has the potential to not only explore the paranormal, how-did-I-get-here aspect of what we see, but also opportunities for humor and snarky rebutals. I'd be curious to read more!

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  20. Wow, that really sounds great! I think I'd buy the book if I'd read that storyline on a book cover!Got me hooked and I sure hope there'll be more to read in the future!!!

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  21. OK ... I'm hooked! More please.

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  22. I really would like to read more of this story!

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  23. keep writing. would love to read more from you.

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  24. Brilliant. Great title. Great imagery. I'm hooked!

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  25. Would definitely keep reading! Love the belly button question. Slightly put off by fecal-stained hospital gown, after I'm still enjoying the chocolate fondue pot image. Third paragraph could be tightened slightly.

    But nothing that would keep me from eagerly turning page.

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  26. Nice beginning - it grabbed my interest and there's already a sense of the character's voice. Congratulations! (PS I'm on a diet. No need for virtual sweets.)

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  27. An intresting beginning with a nice sense of humor - makes me wanna read on.

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  28. Quite a lot of supportive comments here, so I'll just share what didn't work for me:

    Like bluestocking, the last sentence of the second paragraph is so long it really stopped the flow of the writing for me.

    This feels like a backstory dump, rather than the start of a story. Since this is paranormal, I was expecting some sort of hook relating to how her brain surgery changed her. The things you mention, the forgetfulness, seem very normal. I felt a little let down that there wasn't some hint of something more.

    Good luck!

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  29. Not hooked. The voice doesn't work for me. Her own opinion is that she should be a drooling vegetable. And while she isn't, she does have memory problems. And yet,throughout this whole piece, there's not one hint of worry or fear.

    I'd have no problem with the voice if she was talking to another character. I'd see it as a front to hide her fear and worry. But she's talking to herself (actually, she's talking to me) and I can't imagine anyone in her situation having this kind of attitude when talking to herself.

    Perhaps add a bit here and there, a hint or two that shows underneath all the bluster, she is frightened or worried. And perhaps start somwhere other than having the MRI. It's a pretty stagnant opening.

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  30. I love it! This is my kind of book--Best of luck!

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  31. Love it. Great voice and intriguing set up! I definitely need to see more of this!

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  32. Love the voice and humor. The title has me intrigued. Would definitely keep reading.

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  33. Sounds fun so far. I'd like to see where this goes.

    BTW, is that really Beth Hoffman? Cool!

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