TITLE: Ink Wash
GENRE: YA Urban Fantasy
Katie and Tomohiro wait out a storm at his house, when his Yakuza friend phones to blackmail him.
"Don't worry," he said, taking my hands in his. "We'll be okay, for sure."
I nodded, but my stomach ached. I blinked back tears and one rolled down my cheek. He caught it, the tiny drop catching light on his slender fingers, and then all I could see was the gleaming hazel of his eyes as they searched mine. I tensed, and he leaned it. I could smell the shampoo in his still-damp hair.
I felt his breath against my mouth, and then he pressed his lips against mine, his hand still on my cheek. The heat sent a shock through me, melted away any other thoughts but this, that Yuu Tomohiro was kissing me.
He pulled back then, suddenly. His cheeks flushed red, his eyes round and surprised. He bobbed his head in apology.
"Sorry," he said. "You must be thirsty. I'll get you a drink." He excused himself and practically ran to the kitchen, where I heard way more clatter than necessary to get a glass.
I touched my lips with my fingers, pressed them against each other, feeling the way they'd swelled when he kissed me. I didn't think my face could get any redder; thank God he was taking so long in the kitchen.
Then his keitai rang again, spewing rainbow colors across the floor.
"Iced tea okay?" he shouted over it, his voice way too energetic.
This was really good, but it was over too fast. I like the way you highlighted the character's personalities, though and I really felt this. I don't really have any comments other than I liked it...
ReplyDeleteI'd like more kiss detail too.
ReplyDeleteI think you mean "leaned in", not "leaned it".
You capture the post-kiss awkwardness really well. I wonder what will happen next.
The lead-up and the kiss were sweet, but what really won me over was the aftermath. I love the awkwardness! There's just something that feels very real and endearing about it.
ReplyDeleteI'm with matril - my favorite part was the awkward aftermath. On the whole, I thought this was great.
ReplyDeleteOne small detail that yanked me out: When she touches her lips after the kiss, I'm wondering how she can be "feeling the way they'd swelled when he kissed [her]" if the kiss is already over. Maybe it's something about the wording that rubbed me wrong, or maybe it's something as simple as changing "he" to "he'd." Your call, of course.
Good luck with this!
Liked this, especially the last line.
ReplyDeleteLiked this, especially the last line.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure what to say about the kiss...there's not much to it, but I don't know that there should be, to one like this.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm interested in the setting and characters!
I'd delete suddenly, it doesn't contribute to this lovely, if slightly too short scene.
ReplyDelete