Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Logline Critique Round Three #13

TITLE: The Licenser
GENRE: Historical Fiction

In Restoration London an ambitious writer pursues the truth behind a Catholic terror plot, but in doing so leaves his young wife vulnerable to blackmail and forced to become a spy in her own home.

Nathaniel and Anne Thompson risk their love, his livelihood and their closest friendships to prove that the Popish Plot is based on one man's lies, the extraordinary product of Titus Oates' vindictive and vicious imagination.


  1. This should be in one paragraph. I got a bit confused with everything stated. I think you can simplify. Keep in mind the main logline template that miss snark posted (inciting incident, goal, consequences of failure). "forced to spy in her own home" seems contradictory to "Nathaniel and Anne risk their love" the second sounds like anne does it willingly, but not so in the first. Actually, I think you've got a great start if you just completely scratch the second sentence. Your first sentence pretty much does it as is, and maybe you could flesh it out a bit here or there.

  2. This feels like two separate loglines. I mean, I see the connections, but they're very different in tone, style, and specificity.

    I also think you could drop the second half and just expand the first one a bit - perhaps adding a few more words or even another sentence, but without the many highly specific terms of your original second sentence. I don't know, maybe something like "...forced to become a spy in her own home. To regain their lives, they will first have to risk everything."

    Actually, that's pretty terrible, sorry (serves me right for typing when I'm tired), but hopefully you see what I mean ;-)

  3. I agree with the above comments. It's almost as if you gave your logline, then gave it again, but using specifics. The core story sounds interesting.

  4. I agree with the comments - and I'm the writer! In fact the first sentence was the log-line but I panicked that it was too short. Would the first sentence stand up on its own?

  5. I agree that you need to clarify the goal here. You also need to give us some kind of motivation. People don't risk everything just for the fun of it. Why do they feel like THEY have to solve this mystery and what happens to make them want to do this?

    Good luck!

  6. So interesting!

    Is this better??

    Nat Thompson blames the loss of his post as The Licenser on Titus Oates, a preacher who has sent Restoration London into crisis with revelations of a Popish Plot. Eager to provide for his young and rather frivolous wife, Anne, Nat attacks Oates in the press. But Oates blackmails Anne, forcing her to become a spy in her own home and has Nat arrested on the night their newborn baby dies. Both must use all their wits to prove the Popish Plot is a complete fiction and make public the truth about Titus Oates.

    Would The Truth about Titus Oates be a better title??

    All comments really appreciated!