Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Logline Critique Round Three #35

TITLE: Wrath for Her Enemies
GENRE: Science Fantasy

When Georgia’s best friend is manipulated into committing murder, Georgia joins forces with Haddix, a body switcher, to cross the galaxy in search of revenge. But their quarry has powerful allies who snatch Haddix away. To save him, Georgia must risk her sanity and bind herself to her worst enemy.


  1. I think this is a bit confusing. If you are not going to say how her friend was manipulated, maybe leave it out. Also, the last 2 sentences are vague. Maybe:

    Georgia joins forces with a body switcher to avenge her best friend. But when Haddix is taken prisoner, only Georgia's worst enemy can rescue him.

  2. Streamlining will help make this more clear. There is a lot of exciting stuff going on here!

  3. I like the shortened version but feel a word or two describing Georgia would help me feel invested.

  4. Hi, WfHE.

    I love your plot, though I get a little confused about Georgia's worst enemy: is it the same person who manipulated her best friend? Would there be a worse enemy than that?

    I'm afraid I don't understand the 'bind' part...can you give a teeny hint somehow?

  5. I agree, is the body switcher the worst enemy? Who is the best friend? Manipulated how? How is she risking her sanity?

    Cool idea. Good luck!

  6. Love the idea of a body switcher! My only question is why does Georgia want to save the body switcher so badly? Is it because she can't save her friend without him? Or because they've developed a friendship? "Joins forces" reads almost like they're working together because they have to. Otherwise, I think this sounds great!

  7. You have two goals here and I can't tell which is the main one, revenge or saving Haddix. Also, we need to know how she is going to try to accomplish this. You've given us a choice but the book is likely not just about a choice.

    Good luck!