This sounds like the first of two sentences. When I read "contemporary romance" as the Genre, I sort of mentally filled in the rest. I'm assuming the entire book isn't about the delivery of that letter - just that the letter kicks off the events of the book. What's the conflict and stakes for the whole book?
Agree. This is an interesting inciting incident but there is no goal, no conflict and no consequences. Also, the main character must choose to enter the conflict so I'd be careful about implying that her goal is something she is tricked into.
Thou I don't quite understand where the concert pianist part plays in this story, the fact she was tricked by a friend to deliver such a thing is interesting enough to want to see how the story plays out.
Agree with the rest, though I like the premise of being set in the concert pianist world - an interesting set-up I haven't seen before. But, how does being a concert pianist connect with delivering a letter? Also, what kind of friend tricks you like this?
This is a good start to a logline, but I think you're missing an important part. You don't tell us what the stakes are.
ReplyDeleteI'd delete "always" for a stronger impact, but other than that, this is the first one that's drawn me in. (and I hated my piano lessons, so good job)
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like the first of two sentences. When I read "contemporary romance" as the Genre, I sort of mentally filled in the rest. I'm assuming the entire book isn't about the delivery of that letter - just that the letter kicks off the events of the book. What's the conflict and stakes for the whole book?
ReplyDeleteI liked the delivery of the letter as the inciting incident. Now I'd like to know what the conflict and stakes are.
ReplyDeleteoh, too little info. I need something that pulls me in and I don't see it here.
ReplyDeleteI like it enough to comment. But, I agree that some more detail on what happens after the plot catalyst occurs.
ReplyDeleteAgree. This is an interesting inciting incident but there is no goal, no conflict and no consequences. Also, the main character must choose to enter the conflict so I'd be careful about implying that her goal is something she is tricked into.
ReplyDeleteNo stakes. And who's love letter? Is it the friends or the pianists.
ReplyDeleteGreat intro sentence, now I want to know what happens when she delivers the letter - what are the stakes?
ReplyDeleteGood start, but I agree that it needs more. What are the stakes?
ReplyDeleteAnd?
ReplyDeleteWe need more. Delivering the letter results in what? Which leads to what? It's just not enough.
Thou I don't quite understand where the concert pianist part plays in this story, the fact she was tricked by a friend to deliver such a thing is interesting enough to want to see how the story plays out.
ReplyDeleteAgree with the rest, though I like the premise of being set in the concert pianist world - an interesting set-up I haven't seen before. But, how does being a concert pianist connect with delivering a letter? Also, what kind of friend tricks you like this?
ReplyDelete