TITLE: ADVENTURES OF A TEENAGE DEMIGODDESS
GENRE: MG FANTASY
Ninth-grader Morgaina England learns she's a demigoddess and must fly through time and space on a magical horse to the sky palace of Odin, "The Terrible One," Father of the Gods, to save his most precious possession; if she fails, she loses all her new-found powers and her father will be tortured for a thousand years.
I like the mythology bent. Is a 9th-grade main character too old for MG? Who's daughter is she. I would choose either "The Terrible Ones" or "Father of the gods" because having them both is jarring. Also, I think gods is spelled with a lower-case g. What is Odin's most precious possession?I like the stakes, but who's her father? Sounds like a fun story!
ReplyDeleteI'd love to hear a little more voice here. All the plot elements are in place, but I don't get a feel for the MC at all or the voice of the novel. It sounds like a really powerful plot, so just a tiny tweak to insert the voice of the novel would go a long way.
ReplyDeletePlease, please don't take offense at this, but I'm not seeing the uniqueness here. Right now, this reads as "Percy Jackson in Norway," which surely isn't what you're going for. We need to see how this is different from the other demigod stories we're seeing. The main elements are here, but we need the unique element when dealing with these types of stories. Same thing would be true if you'd written a YA vampire novel.You can certainly write a vampire novel, but we'd need to see how it was different, even in a logline.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with what everyone else has said. You've given us a clear picture of the conflict and stakes, but I want to know a little more about the character.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I think two follow-up phrases on Odin is too much, I want to know what Odin's most precious possession is, and I'm getting too much of a Percy Jackson vibe. Oh, and since there's no one-sentence limit in this contest, you might think about making this two sentences and ditching the semicolon.
I would break this into two sentences. I agree with the others, pick one between 'The Terrible One' and "Father of the Gods' although I'm leaning toward the former because I assume Odin would be the one that would have her father tortured. Also, what exactly is his precious possession and why exactly does it need to be saved?
ReplyDeleteThis does sound like a female Percy Jackson. You have a lot of similar plot themes: 1) demi god 2) quest for a god's possession 3) must rescue parent. Your story is probably very different, so you need to find a way to show us the uniqueness.
ReplyDeleteYou've got the right elements, I think, except "flavor." Why should we care about this girl? Just a word or phrase to let us know about her personality and something to set it apart from the multitudes of mythology offerings.
ReplyDeleteI also think your protag might be too old for MG. High school typically means YA. Sounds like an exciting book!
What is Odin's most precious possession and why must it be saved? And why must Morgaina be the one to save it? Include those elements and I think you've got a winner.
ReplyDeleteThe plot sounds interesting, but I'd like to get a sense of who Morgaina is and how she feels about her new responsibilities.
ReplyDeleteEveryone is right that grade 9 is too old for MG (13 is the absolute max).
ReplyDeleteYou need to eliminate most of the detail in the beginning. We don't need to know about the horse or about what they call Odin.
Her goal is also a little lost here. It sounds like her goal is to save Odin's most precious possession (would help to know what this is). Also "save" is vague. Is she supposed to return it to Odin? Is there a deadline?
Perhaps if you give the main character's age instead of grade, then whether this is clearly middle grade or not will be clearer.
ReplyDeleteI also suggest you cut "the terrible one", "father of the gods" and say what the most precious possession is. Knowing what the possession would help tell me how unique your story is.
Just a note that I've read MG books with characters as old as 16. I think you can do a 9th grade MC if the voice and plot are solidly MG.
ReplyDeleteI agree with most of the above comments, especially that this sounds very Percy Jackson-ish. (Yeah, I read them all). I like the sounds of this story, but you'll need to make it unique, since Riordian's books are so popular and you don't want to come across as a spin-off. I would read more if I knew the MC's personality better ... just a couple words would give us a feel for her - make us care. And yes, nix, "The Terrible One" or Father of the gods - you don't need both.
ReplyDelete