TITLE: Strange Occurrences
GENRE: YA Fantasy
Spooky is trying to keep her head down at a camp for delinquents when an ancient god, Carcass, abducts her for entertainment. She discovers he isn’t acquainted with modern media and convinces him to free her in exchange for internet access. Carcass becomes an internet addict and offers Spooky a deal: he will save her from a bleak future if she helps him protect the Earth (and the internet) from a pantheon of invading gods.
This made me chuckle. An ancient god as an internet addict? :))
ReplyDeleteBut I can't tell if this is supposed to be funny or not. It does beg the fact of the HOW of the god's interaction with computers. If he's corporeal and ancient, how could he miss the internet?
And if he's not corporeal and ancient, how does he interact with the material world?
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DeleteReaders have told me the tone of the text is similar to beetlejuice--darkly playful, with serious stakes. I'm glad you laughed! Thanks for the feedback.
DeleteThis is very good. It needs more expansion on your basic ideas but I assume that's because you only had 75 words. I wouldn't pitch it as is -- just add the detail: who the ancient god is, what is her bleak future and how does she know? Why does he have the power to do it? Why is her name Spooky. Why is she in the camp? Maybe not every question, but some of that should be included.
ReplyDeleteThis reads very middle grade to me. I think it might be the name and the idea of "summer camp" (which is not something many older teens would attend).
ReplyDeleteI would also suggest you avoid telling us what Carcass wants in a way that makes him sound like a protagonist. This should all be about Spooky and how she is going to get back to camp (assuming that's her goal...that part isn't exactly clear).
Good luck!
Holly