TITLE: AlwaysOn
GENRE: Adult Sci Fi Crime Thriller
In the near future, where the memories of celebrities are available for public download. Zane Dennet is an internet sensation and over 2 million people subscribe to his daily live feed. But when a false memory is implanted into his feed, showing him committing a murder, Zane finds himself on the run. With the police watching his every move, a two-minute delay in transmission is his only advantage – that and his millions of loyal fans.
Wow this definitely sounds like something I would read! This definitely hooked me. I honestly can't think of a way to change this. Well done!
ReplyDeleteOoh LOVE this! Excellent pitch!
ReplyDeleteInteresting hook. Which celebrity committed murder?
ReplyDeleteNice hook, I would want to read more. I would just try to clean things up a bit. There are some punctucation issues (first period should be a comma for example), and I think you could tighten up the wording a bit -- try reading it out loud and see if you stumble, then fix those places.
ReplyDeleteBut that is minor, overall a nice pitch.
Sounds interesting - reminds me a bit of Minority Report.
ReplyDeleteOne suggestion: perhaps allude to who implanted the memory or why they did so. Just ups the stakes a bit.
Another pitch that gives me a Black Mirror vibe! I'd read this for sure!
ReplyDeleteI think you can remove the word "daily" from "daily live feed". This is kinda wordy plus a live feed implies that it never stops.
ReplyDeleteAside from that, I'd like to know more about what this story is about. I'm assuming he doesn't keep running forever. Is he trying to find out who did it? Prove he's innocent?
Good luck!
Holly
Great premise! You might want to fix the first line, as it's a fragment rather than a complete sentence. I'm curious why he can't turn off his live feed. I'd love to read more. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteNice hook. Love the comments above. Would definitely read more.
ReplyDelete