TITLE: A Bargain of Fear and Desire
GENRE: Adult Romantic Fantasy
When Lia’s sister May goes missing, Lia will do anything to save her, even travel to Faery and strike a bargain with the Fae Lord Riven for the most valuable thing she has to offer – herself. A growing affection for Riven becomes Lia’s sanctuary in Faery where humans are coveted and old grudges run deep. A rival Fae Lord and web of secrets tests the strength of Lia’s affection for Riven and his world.
My suggestion would be to focus your pitch on Lia. I think there are too many characters introduced here. You don't need to name the sister or the lord...just say "her sister" and the Faery leader or something. I would also omit "Riven" and say only "a romance blossoms" or something. Since this is a romance, maybe focus solely on that. Good luck!ReplyDelete
You set up your goal well but then you seem to completely drop it to focus on the romance instead. How does this romance either help or hinder her goal of saving her sister? It shouldn't be mentioned here if it isn't part of the conflict.ReplyDelete
I love the line "where humans are coveted and old grudges run deep." I know having a short word count is hard, but consider cutting back on the second affection theme and go to the stakes of the rival fae lord and web of secrets testing her strength to keep her promise and remain. (Unless I misunderstood and if so disregard :-) That also might give you room to add two comp titles and round out the plot. Good luck!ReplyDelete
The last sentence throws everything off, but I really like the idea behind the pitch. Maybe focus more on the stakes?ReplyDelete