TITLE: LIGHT OF THE AEGIS
GENRE: YA Science Fiction
To honor her father's legacy, Kali dreams of becoming a soldier and fighting the monsters terrorizing the world. But when she discovers that an assassin is targeting the army's general—one of the last links to her father and an integral defense against the monsters—she must save him. If she doesn't, the army will disband, the monsters will win, and she'll fail her father's memory. CINDER x ATTACK ON TITAN.
This hooked my attention. I love that Kali wants to be a soldier - definitely someone I would want to follow and root for.ReplyDelete
I also like the stakes you identify in this hook - that an assassin is in the way and may attack the army's general. Eep! Sounds really intriguing. Well done. Also, love the comps.
I'd love to see a synopsis and the first 50 pages.ReplyDelete
This definitely captured my attention! Please send the query, synopsis and first two chapters to firstname.lastname@example.org. Thanks!ReplyDelete
-Nicole Payne, Literary Agent at Golden Wheat
I always love a girl soldier! I'd be more specific about what kind of monsters.ReplyDelete
I feel like you need to connect her more to her goal. If she only dreams of being a soldier (which makes me assume she isn't one when this starts), how is she the only person who can save this general? You need to give us a reason why this is her battle and her battle alone.ReplyDelete
I think it would also help to tell us why her father is connected to this army. Was he a general before?
This is good. I was a little confused on who you meant by 'him' in the middle. The way the sentence is written, it almost sounds like she wants to save the assassin. I had to read it twice to understand. I would also eliminate 'that' in the 2nd sentence. But overall, well doe!ReplyDelete