TITLE: The Case of the Cat Crazy Lady
GENRE: Adult Cozy Mystery
Cathy stood before the tiny tombstone, a bouquet of spring flowers clutched in her hands. She bent down, tears in her eyes, as she read the inscription: “Here lies Floppy, beloved cat of Catherine Carter. Until we meet again on Rainbow Bridge. 2003-2015.” She placed the flowers on the ground in front of the stone and wiped her eyes with a tissue she took from the pocket of her blue cardigan. Growing up with an abundance of pets and now being part owner of a pet cemetery, pet loss was a constant in her life. However, the handsome gray and white tuxedo cat she’d had since the age of twelve left special pawprints on her heart. She would never forget Floppy.
Cathy turned as she heard a low rustle. At first, she thought they were footsteps and that another visitor was joining her to mourn a pet. Glancing behind, she saw it was Oliver, the elderly Siamese she adopted two years ago after his ninety-year old owner passed away.
Oliver approached on his cocoa paws. He let out a loud meow, typical of Siamese cats. It echoed through the quiet cemetery. Cathy knew he only wanted her attention. She patted his head as he rubbed against her calf. She felt his touch through the legs of her jeans.
“What are you doing out here, Oliver?” She was sure she’d closed the door behind her of the small house she shared with her grandmother.
I like this opening, but it would be even stronger with a little tweaking. Suggestions: 1. "She bent down, tears in her eyes, TO read the inscription" 2. Cathy sounds elderly (blue pocketed cardigan) but must not be, based on Fluffy's life expectancy. 3. remove "they were footsteps and" 4. Remove "typical of Siamese cats" 5. remove sentence that begins "Cathy knew..." Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments about tightening my work, Carol. Cathy is in her late twenties. Her age is mentioned later in the book. She just dresses a bit old-fashioned. I appreciate your suggestions.
DeleteNice voice and set-up for a cozy. There are a lot of cats and a lot of backstory in this opening. If there is information that can be dispersed a bit so as to have Cathy interacting with some people sooner, consider moving some reveals about cemetery ownership etc.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Secret Agent. Cathy actually learns of a murder in the town from her grandmother in the next paragraph, but I was limited to the number of words I could post. I will try to move some of the reveals to later to make room for more up-front action. I appreciate your comments.
DeleteIntriguing idea for the pet cemetery. It seems very heavy right off the bat, so if that tone holds, it makes sense. Otherwise, maybe simplifying the syntax may help lighten the mood a bit. So interesting, so far.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteI'm interested in reading more! I love the title and can visualize a cover. The voice is clear. I would pay attention to the amount of times the word 'pet' is used. In one sentence, it is used three times. I stumbled a bit when reading it. And in this sentence: "Cathy turned as she heard a low rustle. At first, she thought they were footsteps and that another visitor was joining her to mourn a pet." - it's possible to remove the 'a pet' - as we already know they are in a pet cemetery...so ending on 'mourn' would suffice. Don't mean to be petty. *Pun Fun*! I would read more! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Vanessa. I often find that I repeat words, so I'm working on that. Thanks for pointing out the repetition of "pet." I'm glad my excerpt has piqued your interest and hope it will an agent's.
DeleteI thought Oliver was missing his companion cat. Wasn't he? Insert that if it's true; if it's not, why not? I, too, thought Cathy was old. Maybe add details to show she's quirky and old-fashioned. People love cats! Putting that word in your book description draws readers! I hope Oliver continues to play a role.
ReplyDelete