TITLE: Counting Perfect
GENRE: MG Contemporary
An endless pile of wishing-well pennies, coded diary, & Marty McFly. Obsessive eighth grader Zinnia Clark’s fixation on meeting her dad intensifies when insufferable student body president Isabella Watson announces a father-daughter dance. However, as Zinnia hunts for mystery Dad, her friends plan a boycott of the exclusive dance that leaves no room for girls with two moms or boys who wear dresses. Zinnia must decide to help her friends or chase a man who might not be around.
Love this premise! I have a few suggestions. First would be to rethink that first sentence -- I reread it a few times and I'm not entirely sure if these are clues to her dad or other fixations she has. My second suggestion is to show why she needs to choose. Why can't she look for her dad for non-dance related reasons and still help her friends? Does she secretly want to go to the dance? If that's it, maybe make it more clear about why her friends will assume that if they find out she's looking for her dad. Good luck with this! It sounds really good!
ReplyDelete-Gail Nall
gailnall.com
Thanks, Gail! I will see what I can do.
DeleteLots I love about this, but maybe shorten it a bit? Also try and give me more of a reason why its so important to her to meet her dad?
ReplyDeleteThank you, Sarah!
ReplyDeleteI agree with the above--I am interested! I want to know why helping with the dance is as important as finding her dad, and how these two things are in direct conflict...is this her only chance to find him? Can it wait until after the dance?
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI agree with gailecn above. I reread the first sentence several times with confusion. I'm intrigued for sure, but not sure how those things tie in with the rest of the story.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if anyone is still perusing the thread, but I'd love feedback on my new pitch:
ReplyDeleteObsessive eighth grader Zinnia had given up on ever meeting Dad, but when she finds Mom’s old diary in a BACK TO THE FUTURE lunchbox, she renews her hunt. With the upcoming father-daughter dance, Zinnia’s convinced mystery dad will prove to everyone she has a perfect family. If only her friends weren’t boycotting the exclusive dance that leaves no room for girls with two moms or boys who wear dresses. Without the dance as leverage, will Mom divulge his name?
The beginning is much clearer here, but it makes me wonder if she's the girl with two moms and she's been keeping it secret. And in the end, you've left things up to mom. Perhaps change that last sentence to something like she must find a way to pry the secret out of mom, so at least it's something she's doing, as opposed to mom.
ReplyDeleteHow does she figure out who dad is? Does she figure out the code in the diary? Does she track him down on the internet? Perhaps end on a note dealing with that. And what will happen if she doesn't find dad before the dance? There should be something at stake.
Thanks, Barbara!
DeleteI would deleted the first sentence entirely. It doesn't make sense or tell us anything. Aside from that, I'm not sure how this final decision is an "or" situation. Is the boycott at the exact moment she's supposed to meet him? Can't she reschedule the meeting?
ReplyDeleteHolly
Thank you for your input, Holly!
DeleteTake 3
ReplyDeleteObsessive eighth grader Zinnia had given up ever meeting Dad. That was before her estranged best friend announced a father-daughter dance. And before Zinnia discovered Mom’s high school diary. Can Zinnia uncover Dad’s name and find him in time for the dance? She might if her friends didn’t need her to help change the dance to something more inclusive, a place where everyone belongs--kids with two moms and boys who wear dresses.If only all of that fit into Zinnia’s idea of perfection.