TITLE: Savage Jungle
GENRE: MG science fiction
When twelve-year-old techie Kreith and his uncle are stranded in an alien jungle with seven of the ten most lethal creatures in the universe, he must use his courage and resourcefulness to get them out alive.
I like this one a lot! I kind of want to see a few more details that bring out the worldbuilding if possible - why is Kreith the one to save his Uncle? Can you give us a sense of the challenges he's going to face in just a word or two?
ReplyDeleteThis one's tough b/c it's good already, but I kind of want to know what makes this book different from the other survival stories out there.
Good luck!
I want to know what the seven of the ten most lethal creatures are. That right there would make me read this! My mind is imagining all kinds of weird alien beings! Good job!
ReplyDeleteI really like this idea. I also agree with what Jamie said (sorry to be a parrot). A hint of what makes the aliens so leathal (weapons, evolution, prowess), and why this burden falls on Kreith (his uncle is injured, or otherwise incapacitated?) would add some great specifics to this.
ReplyDeleteOverall, great premise!
This is great. The logline has a real MG feel to it. How did they get stranded in the alien jungle? It might not be important if it is lengthy but it could add just the right detail to make it zing.
ReplyDeleteKeith is a great name, and I think this sounds like an exciting read. I wonder about the other three creatures. Do you really need a number? It distracted me a bit. Sounds like a cool story!
ReplyDeleteI love "7 of 10." It strikes me as funny. I would also like to know a bit more about the obstacles they'll face. This is very compact. You have probably another 15 words you could use for more detail.
ReplyDeleteI like this, but I'm wondering why Keith is the leader rather than his uncle? I think you need to make that clearer. Also think you could cut "ten" unless that's important to the story.
ReplyDeleteLove the jungle and I'm curious as to how a techie functions in such a low tech environment, or maybe your jungle isn't low tech. I like the 7 out of ten, just a bit of snark there. Send the book, I'll be happy to read it.
ReplyDeleteI like this. 7 our of 10 had me smiling, and I like that he's going to use his brains to rescue himself and his Uncle.
ReplyDeleteshort and sweet! Love it!
ReplyDeleteI am particularly fond of 'alien jungle.' I also wondered about the uncle--is he hurt, or just useless? Either way clarifying it would raise the stakes.
Great concept, and great job condensing your logline! I'll jump on the "needs a few more details" band wagon, but I love the injection of voice you already have.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Jamie and Ewok's comments. Good job.
ReplyDeleteI like it for the most part, could only perhaps use something more specific for details to make it stand out as unique.
ReplyDeleteNot bad but what's wrong with the uncle? And what does using his courage and resourcefulness actually mean? This is vague and you need to give us real, tangible obstacles.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Holly
I was also wondering why the uncle seems useless. Maybe you could add a "but when x happens to his uncle" kind of sentence.
ReplyDeleteI like "alien jungle" too.
I think this works just right. I don't need to know how they got stranded and what the lethal creatures are. Those are what I will wait to find out when I read the book. Like a lot!
ReplyDeleteok, this is a great set up, i just want a few more details (what lethal creatures? example of courage?) but probably that will be in the query, so good job!
ReplyDelete