TITLE: Mark of Eternity
GENRE: Romance/Fantasy Adult
For years Cadence has dreamed of Egypt, haunted by the nameless people who visit her at night, and now she’s about to discover the past never truly dies, that her dreams were memories of a life cut short, brutally lost to the sands.
I like this. 'Brutally' makes me want to know more. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI like this a lot - I'm a total sucker for Egypt books!
ReplyDeleteI think you could add a bit more to show us the stakes - how does she discover this and what does it mean for her present life? And what happens if the past repeats itself? I want to know a bit more about the antagonist to know what the threat is to Cadence and what she has to do to survive it.
Overall though, love the concept! Good luck!
Yes, fun concept. I agree with Jamie that we need to know what Cadence's main problem is. She discovers that a past life of hers has been brutally cut short, but what does she need to overcome in light of this discovery? What adversary does she face in this life/story, and how does she plan on going about beating it? Those are the things to focus on here. Good luck with this!
ReplyDeleteI really like this. But this suggests the book is about learning the past. If it has repercussions for the present, you might want to mention it.
ReplyDeleteI'm curious about this one but the other comments are right, we really need a better sense of what the present repercussions are.
ReplyDeleteWhen Cadence discovers that her dreams of a life cut brutally short are actually memories, she struggles to ... (Do what in the present day?)
This speaks of her past. What does she want now? What obstacle is in her way? What does she stand to gain/lose?
ReplyDeleteAnd then what? This sounds like the beginning of a very interesting book, but what happens in it?
ReplyDeleteThis sounds fascinating, but I don't really know what the stakes are. And I don't know why, but I have no clue what brutally lost to the sands means. You have something good here, I just want to know a little more of the specifics. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteAs a logline, you got my attention at Egypt, nameless people, and dreams being memories from a life cut short. Like most comments, I would like to read more, and have a million questions, which means the logline did its job. Give it a quick rewrite and either connect to her present life or show us what the stakes are for her now. Nice
ReplyDeleteI'm really intrigued by the "memories of a life cut short, brutally lost to the sands", but I think the whole thing could be a lot clearer. Breaking it into two sentences might help too.
ReplyDeleteJamie's covered everything I was going to say. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat is "now"? Does something incite this story? If so, tell us what it is and how that compels her to seek the truth (as well as what forces/things are going to make it impossible for her to succeed.)
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Holly
I agree with holly, I think I'd like to see something of an inciting incident. But aside from that, it sounds promising.
ReplyDeletethis is great! haunted by egyptian ghosts, and she is one of them! i can't wait to read it all! good job
ReplyDelete