Miss Snark's First Victim
There is a lot that can be assumed that you rightfully don't try to explain, but I want to know what the reaction is here to Kaya. She is obviously a glitch, but what are the ramifications and who wants to stop her?Good luck!
Cool idea, but I don't really understand what happens to Kaya or the network. Why does everyone need a tracking chip to begin with?
I agree with Writer of Wrongs. I really really like this pitch, but I think you need just one more sentence to explain what the consequences are... she's a glitch, so the system will shut down, plunging the world into chaos? So people are going to hunt her down and eliminate her? So she can control the entire world and goes insane with power? What are the consequences of being a glitch?
I love how succinct you were able to make this, but I think we need a *little* bit more detail. My main question: a glitch threatens how? Are all the brain chips networked together in some sort of hive mind? What will happen to everyone's brains if that hive mind goes down? This sounds really cool though, nice work!
This needs to be re-written so it focuses on Kaya. It sounds like what you've given us here is a big obstacle, but we need to know what it is an obstacle to. What does Kaya want in this story and how is being a glitch going to complicate matters?Good luck!Holly
I like this, but maybe it's a little too succinct. What confuses me is where it says Kaya Weiss's chip is the glitch. If she's the glitch, I'm interested because it sounds like she's going to save us from Big Brother. But how can a chip be a glitch? That sounds more like an IT issue than one 16 year old's battle to save humanity. That's why I think you'll need another sentence. I'd hate to miss a good book because I was thrown off by something as simple as that. Good luck!
The first line is superb, but the "glitch" as a word is too vague, and I think I really need to know more about Kaya, and also how she's a glitch. Really cool premise, and great language. Good luck.
This is a great start, but what is Kaya going to do? Are people going to hunt her down? Does she need to get her chip fixed? What will happen to her if she doesn't do something?