Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Logline Critique Round Two #19

TITLE: The Morning Star
GENRE: Christian Fiction

As the original war consumes every corner of Heaven, the Archangel Michael battles demonic rebels and rumors that God not only condones the conflict, but tasked Lucifer to wage the fight in the first place.


  1. Very intriguing! It sounds exciting.

    However the "original war" passage may not make sense to non-Bible afficiandos. (I myself didn't quite get it at first.) Perhaps exchanging "the original war" for simply "war".

    You might also experiment with rearranging the logline into two scentenes.

    Happy Writing,

  2. This sounds like the story starts in the middle of the battle. What incites Michael's goal here? Also, why is HE the one who needs to fight this battle and what does HE have to lose if he doesn't win?

    Good luck!

  3. I think I get what you're trying to say--how about "the first war?"
    I'd also kind of like to know who is spreading those rumors.
    I like this idea! Good luck!

  4. Very interesting premise. I was a little confused by the "original war" phrase, as well as "tasked Lucifer." Best wishes with this!

  5. Sounds like an interesting story. I'm not clear on the stakes, though. You're almost there -- Michael is battling rumors that God tasked Lucifer to start a war. And I can see why that's bad. But what's the outcome? Will all of the angels defect to Lucifer's side? Will the fabric of space/time unravel? Since it's Christian fiction, I would want the consequences to be something related to the beliefs of that religion, since I don't see the Christianity in this log line. (Inasmuch as Christian fiction usually has a lesson embedded about the tenets of the religion -- Anyone and everyone [myself included] writes angel stories that aren't necessarily Christian.)

  6. Love this concept! However, I think it would be a lot clearer if you made it into two sentences. Great that you kept the word count down. Also, I don't know what an original war is. I agree with above - war is probably just fine. Great job!