TITLE: The Re-Education of Christopher Parker the Third
GENRE: Contemporary MG
A superstar at prestigious Fletcher Academy, 7th grader Christopher Parker the Third loses everything when the family’s finances crash. Now, trapped in the local public school and determined to reclaim his life at Fletcher, Christopher depends on a wise-cracking skateboarder and his friends for help that they’re not aware they’re giving.
I really like this, it sounds like a fun read. I would consider changing The Third to III, and tighten the very last part. 'For help that they're not aware they're giving'could be stronger. Nice job overall!
ReplyDeleteThis is great MG premise. I love the idea of rich kid Christopher trying to make his way in public school! This log line would be stronger though if you gave more specifics. We know what the MC wants and we know why he's in this predicament. What (specifically) must he do to reach his goal? In what way must he depend on the skateboarder and his friends? I hope this helps. :) Good luck to you!
ReplyDeleteI think we know his goal is to return to Fletcher Academy, but I think I need to know what's at stake. If he doesn't get back to Fletcher Academy, what will happen? Will he lose all his friends? Or did he already lose them? You've got the goal defined, so that's a start.
ReplyDeleteI like the premise, former rich kid goes slumming at public school. I'm not a fan of his name in the first line, complicates it, and not sure it's necessary to the hook. Tell us a bit more about HOW his new friends help him.
ReplyDeleteGreat premise. I don't think you need his entire name in the first sentence since it's in the title. Christopher makes him seem more personal. Then, in the second sentence, you can replace Christopher with "he" and maybe give a better idea of the stakes. "Help that they're not aware they're giving" is wordy and vague, I think. How does he depend on them? How do they help?
ReplyDeleteI have a different take from the previous comments. Why on earth would I root for this spoiled brat?
ReplyDeleteNow, I don't think that's what you intend, but as written the logline suggests that he will not find value in his changed circumstances and his goal is not to evolve but to return to status quo ante. It's the "depends," I think, that suggests he's using them to clamber over. The stakes as written are that he does or does not get back into Groton - I mean, Fletcher. I hope you intend for the stakes to revolve around whether he gains self-awareness and recognizes the value of true friendship over money.
I like the beginning of this, but then is kind of goes nowhere. If his goal is to get his life back, how do these new friends help him achieve this goal (or stand in the way of it)?
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Holly
Fun premise! I wonder what kind of superstar, though. Athletic? Debater? Maybe it isn't important, in which case you could re-write that opening sentence. I'd rather hear more about Christopher's character. Is he petulant, earnest, or resilient? As it stands, the wise-cracking skateboarder is more inviting. Christopher's full name is in the title, so you might be able to shorten it in the logline.
ReplyDeleteThis is a fun spin. I'm wary of the pubic kid to private school as cliche so this feels fresh. I agree that more detail on what he's working toward would be nice. I have trouble with this, too, but it's hard to know what's happening once at the school. I see that gang of unlikely buddies, but the "they're not aware they're giving" is vague. (I only say this because my log line is the same. Don't want to give away too much and keep it intriguing, but also not be vague. VERY TRICKY STUFF.
ReplyDeleteI dont know whether or not this story is about Christopher changing——growing beyond his status conscious upbringing——or if its about his inability to change, and that he cannot. This is what interests me, and what I perceive as the central conflict in the character.Somehow, in the last line, you have to let us know which it is.
ReplyDeleteInteresting - but what goes wrong as he tries to recover his life? Does someone from Fletcher find out what happened and not want him back?
ReplyDeleteI really like this premise. I can imagine all kinds of potential conflict. I would like to know more about how the other boys unknowingly help him achieve his goal. Good luck!
ReplyDelete