TITLE: Ester, Called Maria
GENRE: MG Historical Fiction
For Ester Cordova, being a secret Jew is a bit like a game until 1536 when she turns thirteen the same year the Inquisition arrives in Portugal. As she learns from her grandparents about the past and growing danger to her family, and her dual identities collide, she must do the unimaginable to save her family and herself.
Interesting premise about the Inquisition. A couple of suggestions: how about "hiding her Jewish heritage feels like a game until..." I want to know a little bit about what "the past" is and what unimaginable fear she will have to face. What about The Hidden Esther for your title? Just a bit more and you have a good start!
ReplyDeleteGreat premise, though it takes a few too many words to get there. "For 13-year-old Ester Cordova, being a secret Jew is a game until the Inquisition arrives in Portugal." And if she's a marrano, wouldn't she already know about the danger?
ReplyDeleteThe battle of conversos, marranos, and the Inquisition is an absolutely terrific setup, and the stakes couldn't be higher. But I think you could sharpen the logline a bit to make them even more personal and specific. Are her parents at risk of an auto da fe? What about the internal schisms between conversos and marranos?
This is quite a topic for an MG audience... which is why I think it's an incredibly powerful idea. Good luck with it.
Original premise and different location than most historicals.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
I think Brent's suggestions are super, and better than what I was going to say, which is to put "and as her dual identities collide," or take that out altogether. I'm also not sure you need "as she learns from her grandparents..." Great premise, really. Awesome idea.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteThe first line is a little awkward because it sounds like the game ends because she turns thirteen. If you are trying to slip in her age, put it before her name. After that, you need to tell us what goal is incited by the Inquisition arriving. It sounds like it is to either hide or get away (save is too vague to know what this means). If so, tell us the obstacles that will make this difficult and please avoid vague terms like “do the unimaginable”. We need ACTUAL obstacles here.
Good luck!
Holly
Great logline. Maybe if you get rid of the first clause of the second sentence, it would be better if you talk about her dual identity. I'm not sure what you mean by dual. I know she's Jewish, but what else is she? What is the unimaginable she must do? I think that's really important because it would give us the stakes more clearly. Hope this helps!
ReplyDeleteThis is a terrific concept, but your first line is very rambling and awkward. I agree that Brent's suggested opening is an excellent example of what you could do there instead. And you definitely need to be specific about Ester's goal and the stakes. Something as abstract as 'do the unimaginable' just doesn't do enough to pull the reader in.
ReplyDeleteI also wanted to mention that I think there's a problem with your title. It's just too similar to Catherine, Called Birdy -- it sounds as if you're deliberately trying to copy that title, especially since that book is also a MG historical. I would seriously consider coming up with something else.
Good luck!
What a great setting for this very intense story. I'd like a clearer idea of what is going on with the character, what does she want and need and what gets in her way.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!