Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Logline Critique Round Two #7

TITLE: Trudi on Monkey Island
GENRE: middle grade novel

It's 1968 and the world's changing faster than nine-year-old Trudi can flip a one-handed cartwheel. Hemlines and protests are on the rise-- everything's spinning out of control and makes Trudi never want to grow up! Then her school's dress code bans girls from the monkey bars and budding-gymnast Trudi discovers that she, too, must fight for change.


  1. I love how you've given Trudi something to fight for. There is so much voice here. The only thing I don't care for is the "everything's spinning out of control and makes Trudi never want to grow up!" I get that things are changing rapidly, but I think this reads stronger without this line.

  2. This is a good setup, but it takes a little too long to get to her goal (which we really should have by the end of the first line). After that, we need to know more about how Trudi is going to reverse this ban on the monkey bars and why it will be hard.

    Good luck!

  3. The goal is a good fit for middle grade, but I wanted a more personal motivation for achieving this goal, something specific to this character and her life rather than the large-scale social changes happening at that time.

  4. The monkey bars are brilliant! I can really see how it would line up with discrimination on a larger scale.

    I didn't understand why Trudi would never want to grow up--if things were bad, I would guess she would want to grow up so that things would get better. Maybe I'm not remembering the MG mindset accurately. Growing up can feel like the solution, especially when it feels like it's out of your power.

    Sounds like a fun story with great texture.

  5. Love the voice and premise, here. To me this reads a little long and you've gotten some good suggestions for trimming. I agree that we need to see how she will tackle these issues.

    Love to read this one!

  6. I agree with the above comment, at nine we want to be older. Though I love your description in the beginning, I'd start with "It's 1968 where hemlines and protests are on the rise when nine-year-old Trudi's school bans..." then be specific with goal and consequences in 2nd sentence. I think this book will appeal to a lot of young girls.
    Write On!

  7. I really like this, but I'd leave out the "never want to grow up part". That will make this more succinct.

  8. You've done a great job of putting some of Trudi's voice this! Nice! Sounds like a really fun story. I like how she is overwhelmed with change and then finds she must fight for it too. Can't think of anything you need to fix!