TITLE: Calling Do Over
GENRE: Fantasy Romantic Comedy
Their love trumps the passage of time, global amnesia, and species, or at least Luke Preston would like to think so. Doesn't love _always_ trump everything? Now if only he wasn't reincarnated with a freakin' tail. No matter, chicks dig small furry animals.
Nice way to take a trope and spin it on its ear (or in this case, tail), but be careful about saying something doesn't matter in a logline, even if it's obviously tongue in cheek. If the obstacle doesn't matter, readers may not care.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Suggestion is to play with the order here and consider starting with the tail bit, the most interesting part. Beginning logline with "their" leaves me wondering who? You don't answer that.
ReplyDeleteI like this premise.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure Romance and "chicks dig" go together. I like the furry animal bit though, maybe make it part of your stakes.
Add sentence to highlight the stakes. How will Preston get a girl to fall in love with a furry animal with a tail? what happens if he fails?
I think this would be punchier if you shortened it up a bit. Maybe:
ReplyDeleteLuke believes love trumps everything until he's reincarnated with a freakin' tail. Chicks dig small furry animals, right?
And then give us a line about who he's in love with and what's at stake.
Great premise. :)
I'm not sure I can contribute much more than what's been said, but I really like Chelly's suggestion. I think that would catch my attention as well. In the least, I'd put Luke Preston thinks that love... because it puts Luke as the focus of that sentence rather than at the end. I'd take out "doesn't love always trump everything?" since that's the usual cliche. The next line says much more, I think, and it serves you best. It also gives us an idea of the quirky tone of this novel, which you definitely want to highlight. Good luck with this. Hope it works out.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny and I love the funny tone. But I still don't really know what the story's supposed to be about. There's a hint of one, but nothing else.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the first commenter here: you cannot tell us that the only obstacle does not matter!
ReplyDeleteAside from that, it's hard to tell where this story actually starts. Is it the reincarnation? It sounds like they have been reincarnated many times before but this time went wrong. If so, I think you need to state that. The point of a logline is to tell the agent what your story is about. I can't tell that from this. Is he trying to win her back even though he's a rat or bunny? Is there any kind of urgency here?
Good luck!
Holly
Cute, but I'm missing the conflict.
ReplyDelete