TITLE: Frame of Reference
GENRE: Adult Suspense/Intrigue
Librarian Quinn craves excitement and gets more than she bargained for when a research assignment goes pear-shaped and she’s unintentionally pulled into a handsome library patron’s world of intrigue. Driven by duty, Quinn pushes aside concern for her safety as the two race to uncover and secure vital information hidden in an art collection before it can fall into the wrong hands and threaten millions of lives.
The premise sounds intriguing, but I got hung up on pear-shaped and two race. Originally, she may be driven by duty, but then it morphs into something much more serious. Can you hone in on that?
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
I think this is close but it needs some tightening and maybe a tad more detail. Maybe something like:
ReplyDeleteLibrarian Quinn craves excitement--excitement that unintentionally pulls her into a handsome library patron’s world of intrigue. Driven by duty, Quinn races to uncover and secure vital information hidden in an art collection before it falls into the wrong hands and threaten millions of lives.
If you could add in more specifically how the art collection will threaten lives I think this will make the stakes stand out a bit more.
The biggest problem with this one is that it suffers from being vague. Expressions like "gets more than she bargained for", "world of intrigue" and "fall into the wrong hands" don't tell us anything about THIS story (and these same expressions could be used to describe most stories really). You need to give us specifics here.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Holly
What vital info? I know artists think art can change the world, but no one else does :-) . And what's a librarian's duty other than to go "shhh" once in a while? (Again :-) . Please!) "Duty" carries no stakes by itself. "She's unintentionally pulled"? Other than half the agents stopping on the spot for violation of the floating adverb law, who or what is pulling her? And whose intention is "un" here? It sounds like a reasonable story with a terrific title that I assume encompasses a pun re the hidden info, but the logline doesn't drive it forward.
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like a fast-paced thriller/romance, but two long sentences create a slow, methodical logline. Concise sentences would be more effective. Quinn's motivation is murky as well. Is she driven by duty, or does she crave excitement?
ReplyDeleteTaking in all of the comments, I've revised. I hope it's better. Thank you to all who have commented so far
ReplyDelete"Quinn Ellington’s wish for excitement is granted, but not in the way she expects. While assisting library patron James research an art collection, her apartment is tossed and her life is threatened by an international arms dealer. She must use her skills as a librarian to help James discover which artifact hides information regarding the whereabouts of a lost cache of weapons before the arms dealer finds it first and threaten even more lives."
Whew.
I want to like this, but it's just really, really vague. What is the intrigue? Where does the threat come from? Why is the information dangerous? The form is right but without details, the plot seems generic. Specifics show how your story is different from others in the genre. Tell us what makes it special.
ReplyDeleteOkay, sorry, I wrote my comment without seeing the revision. It's an improvement because now I understand more about the threat and the danger. Now I'd suggest trimming to make it shorter and more zippy.
ReplyDelete