Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Logline Critique Round Three #33

TITLE: The Michelangelist
GENRE: literary fiction/historical fiction

Sean Everett, a 25-year-old sculptor with a penchant for self defeat (and psychoactive herbs) finds a mentor in another 25-year-old artist—Michelangelo. Through vivid, psychic visitations, Sean witnesses Michelangelo transform a crude block of marble into the famous David, and in the process discovers technique, vision, and most of all, purpose.


  1. It wasn't clear to me what Sean's obstacles, needs, and goals are. You mention he has "a penchant for self defeat." Are drugs or something else getting in his way of becoming a successful sculptor (if that's his goal) or are the drugs causing him to have the visions of Michelangelo? Does Sean time travel and that's how Michelangelo mentors him?
    This could be a fascinating adult novel, but I also wasn't sure if the genre was science fiction instead of literary fiction.

  2. I love this idea, and I love the title, too. I'd like a bit more information on where Sean is coming from that he is self-defeating and without purpose. But I'd be excited to read the story!

  3. I really like the premise! I see the internal obstacle as self-defeat. What is Sean's goal? It might be purpose b/c that's part of what he discovers, but this isn't clear at the beginning. Also, it isn't clear what's at stake for Sean.

  4. Literary isn't really my thing, but I know that the stakes aren't always as important as the journey. If that's the case, then I think this works but could maybe be tightened up a bit.
    "Sean Everett, a 25-year-old sculptor with a penchant for self defeat and psychoactive herbs, finds a mentor in Michelangelo. Through vivid hallucinations, Sean discovers technique, vision, and purpose as he witnesses Michelangelo transform a crude block of marble into the famous David." Or something like that.

  5. Very interesting premise! Sharing the vision and frustrations with the master.

    Good Luck!

  6. This is more of a plot summary than a logline. You need to tell us what Sean wants and how Michelangelo either helps him achieve it or prevents him from doing so.

    Good luck!

  7. Hey there! Very interesting story, but what I think you have here is just the set up. There's no conflict. Also consider adding stakes and the obstacle standing in the way of the character's goal.

  8. I would be very interested in this, but I'd like to know up front what his need is (for a mentor/guide? to actually be a sculptor?), what is blocking his way to getting that (his drugs? himself?) and what his goal is (to produce a piece of which he's proud?). Think about Sean and what he's looking for. I found I got confused and then realized that he's hallucinating about Michelangelo. Maybe make that clearer.

  9. Interesting premise! I was just confused about the time/setting of your story. You mention psychic visitations -- Sean is seeing a vision of Michelangelo, right? And to specify, Michelangelo when he's 25? Is this novel set in the present day?

    Agree that there's a need of stakes.