Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Logline Critique Round Three #35

TITLE: Birds Of A Feather
GENRE: Fantasy

Beauty is a witch, and the beast was never human.

13 comments:

  1. I like that it's short and catchy but the stakes are missing for me. I read this and thought, "And then what happens?" Maybe add another line so we know what's on the line here. Is there a romantic element here? Not sure.

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  2. This sounds cute (and I love the idea of Beauty being a witch!)but you need more information in a log line. What does the MC want? What specific incident happens to the MC that propels her on her journey? What obstacle stands in the way the MC getting what she wants? I hope this helps. :) Good luck to you!

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  3. Love the line, but yes, we need more. Then what happens? Give us something to make us keep reading.

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  4. I agree, more words. This reads like a tagline (like what you'd see on a movie poster), not a logline, which should give us more setup, some background, and a tease. Mystery is good, but I need enough information to pique my interest. Keep at it. You'll get there!

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  5. I like the sound of this but it's really short. We need more about the need, obstacles, stakes inciting incident, and the goal of the characters. This is a great intro but give a little more specifics and you'll be set!

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  6. I knew it! Lots of opportunity to expand on it.

    Good luck!

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  7. This is a great 'elevator pitch,' but as a logline, it doesn't cover the essentials. Is Beauty the MC? Witch can sound negative. Are we rooting for her? And if the beast was never human, is there still a romantic element, or are you going a different way with this retelling?

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  8. This would make a great tagline on the front of a book. But as a logline? I don't know who the characters are or what's going on.

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  9. You'll want to go back to the recommended blog reading defining loglines. This is catchy, but is not a logline.

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  10. Cute start, definitely need more.

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  11. This is an interesting idea, but I need to know more. There are a million different ways this story can go and without more information I can't connect to the concept. Maybe try expanding on this and give us a sense of the plot and characters. Good luck!!

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  12. Interesting premise, but lacks too much information such as goal, obstacles.

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