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Ha! I love the snark, but I wish I had a tad more specific here. Like is the biggest butthead a person?
I like how the goal is clear, but I think you need to connect this with finding the treasure as I don't see how a treasure will revive his grandfather. The second sentence is cute, but it does not give us the slightest bit of conflict. Is this treasure hard to find? Does this butthead want the treasure as well? Does he need to find it before a certain deadline?Good luck!Holly
This made me laugh, but I wanted a bit more information. Does the butthead make it hard to find the treasure? How? Why is the treasure going to help grandpa? Can you put a few more details in while keeping it short and simple?
Definitely got a laugh, but I have to concur with the others that there needs to be more detail about how the biggest butthead is an obstacle.
This is perfect as a short pitch, but more info for this instance.
Love your voice hear and very intrigued by the premise. But as others have said, more details, please! Who is this butted? What is this treasure? Because I really want to know. :)
The last part really made me laugh. My one question is why would finding a treasure have anything to do with bringing his grandfather back to life (but, aw, what a great premise!) The last part also had me thinking “but then what happens? What about gramps?” Good luck! Ryna (#29)
I agree with the other comments. I'd like to know a bit more about "treasure" that can bring someone back to life. And have no idea who the butthead is - if the kid didn't know his grandfather very well it could be him - which would be very funny. It sounds like you've got a great premise.