Hmm. I'm not sure what to make of this. The voice is interesting, but I have no sense of plot or what the plot could be, or even what the current situation could be. I'd ultimately pass.
It starts out a little cliche, but the second line does add a nice twist. I'd read more for the voice. And I'm curious about hearing sticks and stones.
Love the twist on the cliche! Maybe I'm alone in this, but I think this is a perfect example of how to break those obnoxious writing rules to which we all cling as if they were life rafts. :-)
I wanted to read "might" instead of "may" in the first sentence, for some reason.
Thanks, everyone! I'm all for breaking writing rules, especially when it comes to twisting cliches. My MC has super senses and sees, hears and smells better than most animals do. This first chapter starts when she's only 13, ostracized by her peers for being different, and the kids in the village throw rocks at her. She throws them back, though. 8^)
I agree with the poster who said that "might" would work better than "may" because the way it's written is confusing - they may break the bones, but the narrator wouldn't be hurt, and that seems contradictory.
Sorry, doesn't grab me. Seems to lack logic. Being able to see and hear sticks and stones coming is little help, unless a next sentence would imply that there is something the POV character can do with that, and about the sticks and stones. Do I make sense? I'm tired.
Good tone and voice. I'd read more.
ReplyDeleteI like this one.
ReplyDeleteI think I'd read more here.
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling the MC didn't see trouble coming here.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I'd see them coming long before they hurt me. I would hear them, too.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of starting out with a somewhat cliched phrase - it hooked me because I wanted to see what you were going to do with it.
A great hook. I definitely want to read on.
ReplyDeleteGreat hook!
ReplyDeleteI wasn't a huge fan of the opening cliche, but the second sentence intrigued me, so I'd definitely read on.
ReplyDeleteHmm. I'm not sure what to make of this. The voice is interesting, but I have no sense of plot or what the plot could be, or even what the current situation could be. I'd ultimately pass.
ReplyDeletelove the twist. I would read more.
ReplyDeleteIt starts out a little cliche, but the second line does add a nice twist. I'd read more for the voice. And I'm curious about hearing sticks and stones.
ReplyDeleteLove the twist on the cliche! Maybe I'm alone in this, but I think this is a perfect example of how to break those obnoxious writing rules to which we all cling as if they were life rafts. :-)
ReplyDeleteI wanted to read "might" instead of "may" in the first sentence, for some reason.
Thanks, everyone! I'm all for breaking writing rules, especially when it comes to twisting cliches. My MC has super senses and sees, hears and smells better than most animals do. This first chapter starts when she's only 13, ostracized by her peers for being different, and the kids in the village throw rocks at her. She throws them back, though. 8^)
ReplyDeleteI agree with the poster who said that "might" would work better than "may" because the way it's written is confusing - they may break the bones, but the narrator wouldn't be hurt, and that seems contradictory.
ReplyDeleteSorry, doesn't grab me. Seems to lack logic. Being able to see and hear sticks and stones coming is little help, unless a next sentence would imply that there is something the POV character can do with that, and about the sticks and stones. Do I make sense? I'm tired.
ReplyDeleteYup, I like it, especially how you put a twist on the cliche to make it stand out. I'd read on! :)
ReplyDelete~Merc