Anya couldn’t get the recycling drawer open. That was the sort of day it was.
I really liked this for the tone of voice. But I do agree with peachie_keen about maybe it needing something more than the recycling drawer not opening.
Not getting the drawer open isn’t really a hooking event. Nor do we really know anything about the main character yet, or why we should care that she’s having a bad day.
I get that she's having such a bad day that the simple task of opening a drawer has become a pain...but I'm not interested at all from this. Having a bad day, doesn't quite reel me in off the bat. I'd need something more specific.
I'm conflicted about this one. It's relatable, but I'm wondering if you have a more emotional sentence a bit further down you could move up. It seems like you're just about to tell us how she responds to the stuck drawer. Have you thought about giving us her reaction right off the bat? :-)
Why should I care? For such common-day matters, i can look at my own life instead of reading a book. I'm reading books to escape my normal life. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but you need something a bit more out of the ordinary to grab the reader's attention, IMO.
Maybe it's just because my day has been "one of those days" but this drew me in. It's very relatable.
ReplyDeleteI would make it more active. And something worse than the recycling drawer not opening. The second sentence is more of a hook to me.
ReplyDeleteAnya couldn’t get the recycling drawer open. That was the sort of day it was.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this for the tone of voice. But I do agree with peachie_keen about maybe it needing something more than the recycling drawer not opening.
Great start, though! I would keep reading.
This seemed relatable, more of a gentle hook than a grab my interest sort, but it worked.
ReplyDeleteNot getting the drawer open isn’t really a hooking event. Nor do we really know anything about the main character yet, or why we should care that she’s having a bad day.
ReplyDeleteHehe, I actually quite like this. Nice work.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea, but I don't like the wording of the second sentance. I'm not sure if you should end with was.
ReplyDeleteI get that she's having such a bad day that the simple task of opening a drawer has become a pain...but I'm not interested at all from this. Having a bad day, doesn't quite reel me in off the bat. I'd need something more specific.
ReplyDeleteI'm conflicted about this one. It's relatable, but I'm wondering if you have a more emotional sentence a bit further down you could move up. It seems like you're just about to tell us how she responds to the stuck drawer. Have you thought about giving us her reaction right off the bat? :-)
ReplyDeleteGive us something more over the top, or a list of things that add up to it being an exceptionally bad day.
ReplyDeletecan she tug on the drawer and have it open and stuff fly all over the place? That's a day I can relate to!
ReplyDeleteWhy should I care? For such common-day matters, i can look at my own life instead of reading a book. I'm reading books to escape my normal life.
ReplyDeleteSorry if this sounds harsh, but you need something a bit more out of the ordinary to grab the reader's attention, IMO.