"I'm not going to call this a memoir. I'm going to call it what it was: a dream."
If it's just a dream, then I'm not too hooked. Is there any real danger for this character if it's JUST a dream? Should I even be worried for this character or interested in his/her story?
I like the idea, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought there could be more suspense and/or action here.
Sorry, but I wouldn't read on. If everything I'm about to read is a dream, i.e. didn't actually happen and didn't change anything in the real world, then why tell the story?
This kind of plot device was used in Dallas with the whole "Who Shot J.R." story, and it really upset a lot of watchers. It's a cheat to your readers--it's like giving them a really shiny toy and then pulling it back and saying it's not theirs.
i had a feeling something like this would happen...
hi, im the author, first of all.
secondly, the plot of the story is beth (person who is "writing" this story) gets in a car accident and is saved by a mysterious angel named cameron. afterward, she can only see him in her dreams. therefore, when she says shes going to call it a dream, she means because the dream parts of her life meant more than reality. the dreams become slightly complicated because they arent just dreams that didnt happen -- they were more like "supernatural meetings". but that would be awkward: "I'm not going to call this a memoir. I'm going to call it what it was: a supernatural meeting." doesnt have that same ring.
sraasch, thanks for letting us know what this was about. Knowing the intent, I'd read on, but the first two sentences really didn't grab me. I'm with jerzegirl: Why tell us what it's NOT in the first sentence, especially when what it's not is something as (pardon the term) mundane as a memoir?
The first two sentences always are the most difficult. Fortunately, we generally give stories more than two sentences to snag us! :-)
Thanks for the explanation, sraasch. Maybe if you take your explanation and paraphrase it a bit, you could come up with a different opening. For example, "Ever since Cameron saved my life, I enjoy my dream encounters with him more than I do my waking hours." Feel free to use, modify, or ignore my suggestion as you think is best.
I read your explanation and it sounds very interesting. I would probably not read on due to the dream thing and am wondering if there's a way to avoid using that term right off the bat.
Readersdon't have the benefit of getting your explanation, sraasch, so that wouldn't change my opinion. Maybe if the blurb were dynamite, but otherwise I'd be gone.
Different, I'd give you a few more pages to hook me.
ReplyDelete"I'm not going to call this a memoir. I'm going to call it what it was: a dream."
ReplyDeleteIf it's just a dream, then I'm not too hooked. Is there any real danger for this character if it's JUST a dream? Should I even be worried for this character or interested in his/her story?
I like the idea, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought there could be more suspense and/or action here.
I'm with Lady Glamis; the dream doesn't hook me.
ReplyDeleteI read 'dream' and I said no. I would have a hard time getting into the characters knowing right up front that it was all just a dream.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSorry, but I wouldn't read on. If everything I'm about to read is a dream, i.e. didn't actually happen and didn't change anything in the real world, then why tell the story?
ReplyDeleteThis kind of plot device was used in Dallas with the whole "Who Shot J.R." story, and it really upset a lot of watchers. It's a cheat to your readers--it's like giving them a really shiny toy and then pulling it back and saying it's not theirs.
i had a feeling something like this would happen...
ReplyDeletehi, im the author, first of all.
secondly, the plot of the story is beth (person who is "writing" this story) gets in a car accident and is saved by a mysterious angel named cameron. afterward, she can only see him in her dreams. therefore, when she says shes going to call it a dream, she means because the dream parts of her life meant more than reality. the dreams become slightly complicated because they arent just dreams that didnt happen -- they were more like "supernatural meetings". but that would be awkward: "I'm not going to call this a memoir. I'm going to call it what it was: a supernatural meeting." doesnt have that same ring.
thanks for commenting :)
Definitely different. I'd read on, provided the blurb looked interesting :)
ReplyDelete(Oh, and I'm wondering if the narrator means a literal dream, or is using the word figuratively.)
ReplyDeletesraasch - heh, I should have read your post before posting O:) Glad to see my hunch was right, though :)
ReplyDeleteI'm not going to call this a memoir
ReplyDeleteIf it's not a memoir... I wouldn't mention this. Didn't work for me.
sraasch, thanks for letting us know what this was about. Knowing the intent, I'd read on, but the first two sentences really didn't grab me. I'm with jerzegirl: Why tell us what it's NOT in the first sentence, especially when what it's not is something as (pardon the term) mundane as a memoir?
ReplyDeleteThe first two sentences always are the most difficult. Fortunately, we generally give stories more than two sentences to snag us! :-)
Thanks for the explanation, sraasch. Maybe if you take your explanation and paraphrase it a bit, you could come up with a different opening. For example, "Ever since Cameron saved my life, I enjoy my dream encounters with him more than I do my waking hours." Feel free to use, modify, or ignore my suggestion as you think is best.
ReplyDeleteI would read on. Especially with a blurb mentioning the dreams. Good voice.
ReplyDeleteI read your explanation and it sounds very interesting. I would probably not read on due to the dream thing and am wondering if there's a way to avoid using that term right off the bat.
ReplyDeleteSorry, the moment I read "dream", I got unhooked.
ReplyDeleteReadersdon't have the benefit of getting your explanation, sraasch, so that wouldn't change my opinion. Maybe if the blurb were dynamite, but otherwise I'd be gone.