Dead, again, and facing complete obliteration, a Base Soul pleads for one more human life to prove she can conquer her hatred of her Split Soul, break their habit of murdering each other, and fuse back together.
Sounds like something I would read. My problem with the log line is it is so complex it took me three reads to fully grasp what it was saying. Once I got it, I liked it.
Really cool concept here, but I wanted a tiny bit more information to help me understand everything that's going on. I didn't know what a split soul was, or how the world works - who's she pleading to and what would make us connect with this Base soul and want to read about her?
This has piqued my interest for sure. You had me at 'dead again' haha. It's a different concept, which I like as a reader, I'd love to know more. Just the right amount of info
This is good, but still has some confusing elements.
Dead, again, a Base Soul must bargain for another chance at a human life so that she can conquer her hatred of her Split Soul, break their nasty habit of murdering each other, and fuse back together.
Totally awesome premise here. :-) It sounds like something I'd read too. But after reading the first few words I realized I'd have to read it slowly or twice. I got it on the first try, but only because I was focused and used context clues to understand your terms. --Intriguing idea, but you can make it clearer and squeeze in a bit more info.
It might be better to reword it a tad, 'Dead, again, a Base soul pleads for one more human life to prove she can conquer her hatred of her Split SOul, break their habit of murdering each other, and fuse back together - or face complete obliteration.'
This book sounds interesting, but I'm not sure I entirely sure I understand what's happening. I think the Base Soul is begging to live one more time as a human. However, I'm not sure what is meant by she hates her "Split Soul." Does this mean her base soul splits in two or is the "Split Soul" something entirely separate?
I think I found it less confusing before you answered A.J's question. I would not encourage you to try and incorporate that explanation.
For me there were way too many commas. Loved the first six words, but I'd have put a full stop after obliteration so the reader can take a mini break and absorb the great opening.
I'd try and break the second sentence down to her pleading for one more human life so she can refuse her separated soul. I would suggest you use her name and refer to her being split in two rather than Base Soul and Split Soul which are terms we are unfamiliar with and are hard to follow.
The third sentence needs to wrap up what the stakes are and what she faces if she fails.
Agree with KayC - I found it more confusing after the explanation. The concept seems very interesting, but it took me re-reading the line a few times to say "Oh, THAT must be what it is." If I hadn't seen your explanation, I'd pick it up and at least start it.
I too was confused about whether or not she is a Base soul or a Split soul. Also, this is written like the goal is to get a yes to her pleading while I think the book probably keeps going after that.
I don't think the phrase "base soul" works in the logline because you don't have room to define it. I'd use the MC's name instead. Based on the exta info you just provided, I'd try something like this:
(MC) is the last unfused soul in the galaxy and her two halves have killed each other in (howmany?) lifetimes. Now she has one more human life to overcome the hatred between the two halves and fuse them back together or she'll face permanent annihilation.
I like the concept - and the dead again opening it catchy. I'd like more explanation too though, about what the terms base soul and split soul mean, and maybe a little bit of sense of whether the main action of the story is going to be in heaven/limbo, or when the MC is incarnated.
Sounds like something I would read. My problem with the log line is it is so complex it took me three reads to fully grasp what it was saying. Once I got it, I liked it.
ReplyDeleteReally cool concept here, but I wanted a tiny bit more information to help me understand everything that's going on. I didn't know what a split soul was, or how the world works - who's she pleading to and what would make us connect with this Base soul and want to read about her?
ReplyDeleteGood luck with this - it's super intriguing!
This has piqued my interest for sure. You had me at 'dead again' haha. It's a different concept, which I like as a reader, I'd love to know more. Just the right amount of info
ReplyDeleteThis is good, but still has some confusing elements.
ReplyDeleteDead, again, a Base Soul must bargain for another chance at a human life so that she can conquer her hatred of her Split Soul, break their nasty habit of murdering each other, and fuse back together.
Totally awesome premise here. :-) It sounds like something I'd read too. But after reading the first few words I realized I'd have to read it slowly or twice. I got it on the first try, but only because I was focused and used context clues to understand your terms. --Intriguing idea, but you can make it clearer and squeeze in a bit more info.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to connect a little more with the MC, who has a definite dilemma, but I don't know enough to care. Interesting concept, though.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to know what she gains if she succeeds, heaven/nirvana/rebirth?
ReplyDeleteIt might be better to reword it a tad, 'Dead, again, a Base soul pleads for one more human life to prove she can conquer her hatred of her Split SOul, break their habit of murdering each other, and fuse back together - or face complete obliteration.'
ReplyDeleteBut either way, I like it as it is.
This book sounds interesting, but I'm not sure I entirely sure I understand what's happening. I think the Base Soul is begging to live one more time as a human. However, I'm not sure what is meant by she hates her "Split Soul." Does this mean her base soul splits in two or is the "Split Soul" something entirely separate?
ReplyDeleteTo answer A.J's question yes, the Base Soul was split apart. Now, there are two pieces of a former whole. A Base Soul and a Split Soul.
ReplyDeleteThe Base Soul was ripped apart by her boss, The Big Guy, for rule violation during human lifetimes. She is the last unfused soul in the universe.
I think I found it less confusing before you answered A.J's question. I would not encourage you to try and incorporate that explanation.
ReplyDeleteFor me there were way too many commas. Loved the first six words, but I'd have put a full stop after obliteration so the reader can take a mini break and absorb the great opening.
I'd try and break the second sentence down to her pleading for one more human life so she can refuse her separated soul. I would suggest you use her name and refer to her being split in two rather than Base Soul and Split Soul which are terms we are unfamiliar with and are hard to follow.
The third sentence needs to wrap up what the stakes are and what she faces if she fails.
I don't think you need that first comma after Dead.
ReplyDeleteI'm a little confused what's going on. A little hard to follow.
It does seem to be interesting, though.
Agree with KayC - I found it more confusing after the explanation. The concept seems very interesting, but it took me re-reading the line a few times to say "Oh, THAT must be what it is." If I hadn't seen your explanation, I'd pick it up and at least start it.
ReplyDeleteI too was confused about whether or not she is a Base soul or a Split soul. Also, this is written like the goal is to get a yes to her pleading while I think the book probably keeps going after that.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Holly
I don't think the phrase "base soul" works in the logline because you don't have room to define it. I'd use the MC's name instead. Based on the exta info you just provided, I'd try something like this:
ReplyDelete(MC) is the last unfused soul in the galaxy and her two halves have killed each other in (howmany?) lifetimes. Now she has one more human life to overcome the hatred between the two halves and fuse them back together or she'll face permanent annihilation.
I like the concept - and the dead again opening it catchy. I'd like more explanation too though, about what the terms base soul and split soul mean, and maybe a little bit of sense of whether the main action of the story is going to be in heaven/limbo, or when the MC is incarnated.
ReplyDelete