Wednesday, December 3, 2008

F2S 53

I locked eyes with my fellow job candidate, trying not to smile at his surprise. "Yes, I'm serious. Turn around."

16 comments:

Lo said...

Well done. I'm hooked!

AC said...

I totally want to know what happens!

Lady Glamis said...

I'm intrigued. I would definitely read on.

Wulf said...

Hooking and I'd read on.

However, I do feel that "trying not to smile at his surprise" is very telly and meh. I'd like to see this bit polished or removed.

Steph said...

I'd remove "at his surprise", or change the whole phrase to "trying to surpress a smile" or something. But, really, I like it. Good job!

Sponge said...

Yes. This sounds strong and promising. Nice job. ;]

Stina Lindenblatt said...

Hooked!

fairchild said...

Uhm...maybe it's just me, but I have no idea what's going on.

Who is saying turn around? The MC or his/her fellow job candidate?

Why would you tell a fellow job candidate to turn around?

I'm confused. Not hooked.

Just_Me said...

I want to know where that's going! Very good.

Bethlene said...

Wow, cheeky character. I'm definitely intrigued and want to find out more.

Lori said...

Interesting. I'd definitely read on.

Dusty Muffin said...

More! More!

Anette J Kres said...

I’d bite. At least for the next page and then decide again from there.

Heather Wardell said...

Okay, Dusty Muffin, if you insist. :)

On my blog, there's a link on the right-hand side to "Go Small or Go Home". The first chapter of the book can be found at that link, and I'd love feedback!

And I'm sorry I lost you, fairchild, and thanks for the comments from several others on polishing suggestions.

Heather

Jean said...

I am curious.

dustymuffin said...

Found it - thanks Heather.