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Well done. I'm hooked!
I totally want to know what happens!
I'm intrigued. I would definitely read on.
Hooking and I'd read on.However, I do feel that "trying not to smile at his surprise" is very telly and meh. I'd like to see this bit polished or removed.
I'd remove "at his surprise", or change the whole phrase to "trying to surpress a smile" or something. But, really, I like it. Good job!
Yes. This sounds strong and promising. Nice job. ;]
Uhm...maybe it's just me, but I have no idea what's going on.Who is saying turn around? The MC or his/her fellow job candidate?Why would you tell a fellow job candidate to turn around?I'm confused. Not hooked.
I want to know where that's going! Very good.
Wow, cheeky character. I'm definitely intrigued and want to find out more.
Interesting. I'd definitely read on.
I’d bite. At least for the next page and then decide again from there.
Okay, Dusty Muffin, if you insist. :) On my blog, there's a link on the right-hand side to "Go Small or Go Home". The first chapter of the book can be found at that link, and I'd love feedback!And I'm sorry I lost you, fairchild, and thanks for the comments from several others on polishing suggestions.Heather
I am curious.
Found it - thanks Heather.